tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69027589498936150352024-03-06T01:09:59.460-08:00On the Flip SideChrist knows better than ALL OTHERS that the trials of life can be very deep & we are not SHALLOW people if we struggle with them. ~Jeffery R HollandTeganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.comBlogger133125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-86231559605045334472016-10-13T10:21:00.002-07:002016-10-13T10:21:39.508-07:00Dying With DignityI have started to consider vlogging. But until I can figure out how to make my videos work....<br />
I am not dying, but my father is. <br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">September 2014</span><br />
Through treatment of a kidney stone, my father found out he had kidney cancer. An easy fix with a simple surgery.<br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">January 2015</span><br />
During a full body scan, necessary because of the kidney cancer, a second form of cancer was found in his lungs. Non-small cell lung cancer. This was not a mutated form of the kidney cancer, but a separate cancer entirely. When we found out, we joked with him that maybe he should go to Vegas and play the lottery since his chances were phenomenal.<br />
Surgery was scheduled for removal of the kidney cancer and the spot of lung cancer.<br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">2015 - 2016</span><br />
Though my father was somewhat tired, he responded remarkably well to surgery and the chemo and radiation that followed. Chemo and radiation were needed because the lung cancer reacted to the air and spots appeared all over his lungs. His breathing was more labored, but otherwise he was a picture of health.<br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">April 2016</span><br />
The lung cancer was back and treatments of pills began. Again, though tired, he was up and moving and in otherwise good health. The doctors predicted he had a few years left.<br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">August 2016</span><br />
He was going home from work one day and stopped at Wal-Mart to pick up some prescriptions, which likely saved his life. He collapsed in the store and awoke to a stranger cradling his head. Had he driven home, he might have ended up in a car accident. An MRI revealed too many lesions in his head to count.<br />
After much discussion, my parents decided to move forward with radiation to the head. This treatment was to continue for two weeks.<br />
Around this time my father's appetite and desire to consume any food at all dropped off. He ate only because and when my mother insisted. Which was a sign of approaching death. The body knows it is dying and it shuts down the less important life systems. At the end of his radiation treatment, my husband and I came to visit. My father was deeply depressed and in a very dark place. He had contemplated suicide as far as knowing how he would go, but knew that would be unfair for my mother. It was heartbreaking to see him so despondent. But no one could fault him, was it due to the concoction of chemicals being pumped through his system? Was it the many lesions pressing on who knows what part of the brain? Was it just the knowledge of what he was going through? It was hard to tell. That was three weeks ago.<br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">September 26, 2016</span><br />
At night, after my father knelt in prayer, he could not stand up and my mother could not get him up. After 45 minutes of trying, she called a friend to help her.<br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">September 27, 2016</span><br />
She called her doctors and was told to bring him into the ER, because it wasn't the radiation that had weakened him so much. Though I can't deny that doctors do much for us, I also find my biases mainly against them, for reasons like the following.<br />
Once in the hospital the medical staff honed in on the fact that my father was depressed and they told my mother that they would like to put him in a psych hospital in Vegas or Tucson. How foolish! My mother was furious and abjectly refused. The social worker told her that after watching her interact with him he knew that wasn't the problem. They continued to look for solutions.<br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">September 29, 2016</span><br />
Someone on the ER staff decided to release my father back into my mother's care. She was irritated with the lack of care as he had become incontinent and was lying in his own urine for who knows how long. She again had to call on the help of a friend to get my father from the car into the house.<br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">September 30, 2016</span><br />
My mother was able to get my father cleaned and showered. He told her that he had to use the toilet. After standing in front of it for quite a while, he started to wobble. Then he fell, smacking his head on the closet behind him and sliding to the floor with his legs straddling the toilet. My mom lost control at that point and had to go to another room to sob uncontrollably, knowing that she would not be able to get him up without help. After she had regained control, she called her fireman friend to assist her once more.<br />
They returned to the ER, refused the mandatory tests on admittance, and met with the doctor who had admitted them previously. The doctor informed her that he was surprised to find my parents had left. He did not believe my father would leave the hospital at all.<br />
That evening my parents were told that it was likely over, there must be cancer cells in the spine, and they would be released to hospice care. A total and enveloping peace surrounded them. They knew this was right.<br />
A later MRI showed there were no cancer cells in the spine. My parent were told my father might yet live another year or two. Confusion and pain settled on my parents. A series of tests jerked my parents back and forth as each day they were told something different. When they were told it was over, peace settled on them. When they were told it wasn't, confusion and turmoil enveloped them.<br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">October 5, 2016</span><br />
Their radiology oncologist returned from his 10 day vacation and ordered an MRI of the lumbar region of the spine. It revealed the spine wrapped in a mass of tumors. No wonder my father couldn't always stand. No wonder he was weak. My mother was taken aside and told they could no longer do anything for Dad, only to him. She felt peace once more enshroud her.<br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">October 6, 2016</span><br />
My father was released home to hospice in the care of my mother. Myself and two of my brothers traveled home, they for the weekend, and I until my mother no longer needed me. Hospice means that you are sent home to allow nature to take its course. No more pick lines, saline drips or hospital machines keeping you alive. There are medications to ease your pain and your passing.<br />
<span style="color: #b45f06;">And now</span><br />
As I write, my father is on the last stage of his life. He hasn't eaten in 10 days, he hasn't had any liquids since Monday, his breathing is ragged, and he no longer responds to touch. He may last minutes, or hours, or, quite possibly, days. We just don't know his timing.<br />
This experience of helping my mother care for him has been sacred and beautiful. To care for someone who has cared for me my entire life is truly humbling. I have never felt more love for my parents than I do at this moment. Our nurse asked me Tuesday if my father is still teaching me, if he is teaching me to die with dignity?<br />
Yes. He has been so calm through this whole process. He does everything he can to assist my mother and myself in caring for him. It isn't much, but it's all he has. He is dying with dignity, just as he lived with dignity. We did not always get along, but as I grew older I learned to appreciate all that my father has given me, all he has taught me. And in this time, so many are coming to visit or calling my mother to tell her how much they love my father.<br />
That man truly lived and truly loved.Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-75738174497706234512016-05-21T17:50:00.000-07:002016-05-22T17:51:31.322-07:00Last updateYes I am doing well still! I'm down closer to my original weight, before I was married and eating at the rate my husband ate. Which is all well and good for him, he is far more active than I am. And by reason of elimination, I have found the food that causes problems for me: dairy. And I have also discovered that I could easily live without it. I won't eliminate it entirely, but I will no longer consume it every day. I will more than likely do this cleanse again. It's taught me a lot about my eating habits and myself.Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-7304881223875084892016-05-15T10:41:00.000-07:002016-05-15T10:41:27.997-07:00Day 7Yes, I am still going, even if I didn't post every day. It has been quite the learning and even rejuvenating experience.<br />
<br />
I have more energy, I'm less tired, I have less intestinal problems. It's beautiful!!! Who knew that your body would work better on better food. Ok, lots of people. Too bad I'm an experience-it-for-yourself kind of person.<br />
<br />
I did have sugar on my 3rd day. 3 rolos and a handful of skittles. It was an interesting and unpleasant experience afterward. I got a headache and was dizzy for a few hours afterward, not to mention the guilt. That was interesting. I didn't have sugar for the rest of the week. Until yesterday when the sugar as actually agave. It was so surprisingly sweet! It was so sweet that I did not want any more.<br />
<br />
I have not had processed food. And the longer it was, the less I wanted it.<br />
I'm thinking this will absolutely be a lifestyle change for me. I'm really enjoying this food plan. But what I'm really enjoying is not being listless and exhausted all the time. It was a really downer.<br />
<br />
I intend to finish my 10 day detox and then let small amounts of processed food back into my life. I don't think it's wise or helpful to eliminate it completely. But this has been about overcoming my addiction to food. I've done that and I want to continue practicing self-control. So I'll add back processed foods, not by buying them, but by allowing myself them in social situations.<br />
<br />
Here are my measurements for the days.<br />
<br />
Day 2<br />
153.4<br />
W: 35<br />
H: 38 1/4<br />
T: 23 3/4<br />
<br />
Day 3<br />
152.6<br />
W: 35 3/4<br />
H: 38<br />
T: 23 1/2<br />
<br />
Day 4<br />
152.6<br />
W: 36<br />
H: 37 1/2<br />
T: 22 3/4<br />
<br />
Day 5<br />
152<br />
W: 29 3/4 (I realized this day that I wasn't measuring my natural waist previously)<br />
H: 36 1/2<br />
T: 23 1/4<br />
<br />
Day 6<br />
151.6<br />
W: 30<br />
H: 36 1/2<br />
T: 23 1/2<br />
<br />
Day 7<br />
152.4<br />
W: 29<br />
H: 36 1/4<br />
T: 23 3/4<br />
<br />Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-12262999084260240982016-05-09T19:36:00.000-07:002016-05-09T19:36:19.697-07:00Day One!!!Morning Measurements<br />
Weight: 154<br />
Waist: 34"<br />
Hips: 38 3/4"<br />
Thighs: 23 1/2"<br />
<br />
So this day I learned quite a bit about myself. I LOOOOOVVVVEEE food. It's a problem, I'm super addicted. Which is why I am doing this detox. I learned the difference between being hungry and wanting food. I wasn't hungry all day but I was craving snacks all day. And I was warring about following through with the cleanse. So I'm determined to keep going and mind over matter.Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-70009836015583534192016-05-05T19:23:00.002-07:002016-05-05T19:23:53.292-07:00Prepping AgainToxicity questionnaire! I forgot to record this yesterday, so I'll record it today instead. For the detox that I am doing, there is a questionnaire about symptoms that affect me. These are numerical to note how grievously affect my body is by the foods I consume. I won't note the symptoms, just the totals.<br />
<div>
t9, t3, t10, t9, t10, t6 t5, t7, t10, t1, t3, t7, t0, t5, t4 = 89</div>
<div>
So pretty bad actually.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Measurements</div>
<div>
Weight: 153.4</div>
<div>
Height: 5'8 1/2" (I won't add this any more).</div>
<div>
Waist: 36"</div>
<div>
Hips: 39 1/2"<br />
<div>
Thighs: 24 1/2"</div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
No exercise as of yet today. But there was a pot luck at work and I did not overeat. Yay!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So overall not too much better than yesterday. But tomorrow is another day. </div>
Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-7930052699333371992016-05-04T17:26:00.001-07:002016-05-04T17:26:54.156-07:00Back AgainYes, I know it's been over a year... Sorry about that. I just didn't feel that I needed it. Either that or I was too lazy. You can choose. :)<br />
<br />
So, I will be doing a 10 detox starting Monday May 9th. I was going to go through this processes roughly two years ago with my mother and brother but didn't have the will power to do so. Now I do. This will be my detox journal because it will help motivate me to do what needs to be done.<br />
The first thing to start with is answering the questions from the detox book.<br />
1. Why am I doing this detox? What is my dream for my body and my life that this detox will make possible?<br />
I am doing this detox to purge my body of the junk I've eaten over the years, to help me become more healthy and to stop fighting my body. I have had gas for a large portion of my life, once so painful I thought there was something seriously wrong with me and visited a few doctors only to find out it was gas. How embarrasing... So, I want to reset my body's health and find out what is adversely affecting me. I want more energy and strength and this detox will help my body re-calibrate and get onto a healthy and stronger track. And lastly, I want to get a healthy body so that I can be healthy and strong and provide the nutrients a baby may need. I'm not pregnant, but I would like to be soon.<br />
2. What are 3 specific goals I have for these days?<br />
Wake early, prep meals in the evenings, gain control over my desires to eat.<br />
3. What are the top 3 things holding me back from losing weight?<br />
My love of taste and consuming way too much when I find one I like. My aversion to exercise even though I know I feel better and even enjoy exercising. My lack of control over eating even when I'm not hungry because I am 1) bored, 2) reading, 3) watching Eliot/anyone eating... period.<br />
4. What beliefs do I have that might hold me back?<br />
I don't have time to prepare these meals.<br />
5. What is my relationship with food and how would I like to nourish myself?<br />
I love food, I want to eat it all the time, I love the way it tastes, I am addicted to the taste of food. I would like to nourish myself when I am hungry with good foods that won't upset my body, and I would like to eat controlled portions and not feel like I am missing out by not eating.<br />
6. How does being overweight or sick diminish or detract from my happiness and my ability to fulfill my life's purpose?<br />
I don't have a lot of energy when I don't eat properly and I get pains in my stomach, almost every day. It is distracting and depressing, I don't want to get out and interact with others and I don't feel happy. Poor Eliot is such a sport, but I want to treat my body better so that I can become an enegry filled being who isn't limited by poor choices.<br />
7. How do I see my life changing by learning to properly nourish myself?<br />
I see more laughter and energy, more service and joy. I see Eliot and me not being held back from adventures by my limitations. I see less worry about the pains I feel.<br />
8. What positive experiences have I had in the past from eating well and nourishing properly.<br />
My mother almost always had a healthy meal set on the table and I was full of energy and life in my childhood. I only started feeling the pains in high school when I took more food choices into my own hands. I remember having energy and feeling positive no matter what circumstances shaped me. I want to get back to that person I knew.<br />
<br />
Ok, now to measurements. I am not starting until Monday, but I will start today by choosing my eating practices with more care. Stopping when I feel full and eating only when I feel it is necessary. And eating less junk and processed foods.<br />
Measurements:<br />
Weight: 155.4<br />
Height: 5'8 1/2"<br />
Waist: 37"<br />
Hips: 37 1/2"<br />
Thigh Circumference: Left & Right - 27"<br />
<br />
Exercise for day - 15 min yoga for beginners.<br />
<br />
Feelings: I felt some minor abdominal pain today at varying times throughout the day. I over ate on snack foods and didn't eat a very healthy lunch. Mood was oppresive during the morning but I remembered that I have a choice on my mood and chose to be less somber through the rest of the day.<br />
<br />
I will be prepping my mind and my pantry for the next few days but I will continue posting my measurements and how I am feeling.<br />
<br />
Here we go! Wish me luck and strength.Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-25312666897352639012015-01-26T13:20:00.000-08:002015-01-26T13:20:08.205-08:00Looking for Love in All the Wrong PlacesRemember how I mentioned before that life is a paradox? Well, I have had it confirmed so many times it's a wonder we human believe we can make any sense of the world.<br />
<br />
I just finished the book, "Falling to Heaven" by James Ferrell. If ever a more potent book was written, it would be the Book of Mormon. But this book (FTH), expounds and clarifies the Book of Mormon, for those of us whose hearts have not yet seen all the purity of the Book of Mormon.<br />
<br />
Read it. It just may change your perspective, if you let it.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://d26iejr7yj7kfh.cloudfront.net/product-images/000/467/429/detail/Falling_to_Heaven_cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://d26iejr7yj7kfh.cloudfront.net/product-images/000/467/429/detail/Falling_to_Heaven_cover.jpg" width="242" /></a></div>
<br />
I was so disappointed when it was over, I kept flipping back and forth to see if I'd missed something.Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-22647360841590715592015-01-14T17:03:00.001-08:002015-01-14T17:03:48.982-08:00Letting Go, Not As Easy As I'd Like.I suppose we all have some obsessive compulsive leanings. There are certain things about our lives that we want to control. I didn't think I was that bad. And perhaps I am not, comparatively.<br />
But I do want to control parts of my life. I don't like leaving it to chance.<br />
But I'm not am I?<br />
Perhaps throughout my blog, should you care to have followed it, you've seen hints and musings about my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Yes, I am a member of that church, affectionately referred to as Mormons. And being part of the church has changed me fundamentally.<br />
The core purpose of the teachings of the church is to bring its members closer to their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And quite honestly that is the most important relationship any man can develop. If you are not working to gain a stronger closer relationship with your Savior, none of your other relationships will matter. I'm not saying that relationships don't matter, because they do. But they can't be what they could be with out that fundamental relationship, nor will they ultimately matter.<br />
There is so much literature that encourages and teaches of the relationship one can develop with one's Savior. And it is my relationship with my Savior that has fundamentally changed me, undoubtedly and unarguably for the better.<br />
Side track that will make sense when I tie it back in - the closer you, (ok, I) become in a relationship, the harder it is to trust that person fully and completely. Harder and easier simultaneously.<br />
I don't know what it is about this life, but paradoxes are the only things that make sense. How's that for a paradox? You are welcome.<br />
So, yes, easier because the person you relate to has shown you that he can be trusted. Harder because the deeper you delve into a relationship, the more tender parts of your person you share and trust the other with.<br />
I trust my Savior, he has never, ever let me down. Not when I have worked and opened, truly opened, myself to his gentle guidance. But, here we go, but, I want to control my life. I want to know what is coming so I can prepare for it and batten the hatches if necessary. Doesn't everyone? Wouldn't life be so much easier if we knew everything that would happen. Would it? Easier maybe, but easier is never quite as bright and rewarding, don'tcha think?<br />
I don't want an easy life, easy is boring but, not only is it boring, it also holds less meaning. If everything were handed to you, what would you gain? You'd have everything, but what would that mean anyway?<br />
So, I'd know what is coming, but what cause would I have to hope? I wouldn't have the gift of surprise. Have you met someone who is never surprised? Not quite the most fun person in the world, am I right? Besides, you'd think I'd learn my lesson(s) from thinking I knew what the future held. I felt trapped and terrified, I looked for a way out of the future I was certain was coming. It was a burden I didn't need.<br />
This post is longer than I thought it would be. Welcome to my thoughts, good luck finding your way out. Mwahaha.<br />
So, why don't I relinquish my burden to the Savior and trust Him to guide my life as is necessary? He has before shown me that He will turn over the reins of my life if I ask for them. It didn't make me happier, it was actually a drudgery. So, why is it so painful every time I hand the reins back to Him?<br />
I communed with my Savior yesterday as I sat in the temple. He reminded me that I was trying to control my life and my plans are not his. Much to my chagrin, and to a small part, my shame. So I bowed my head and handed the reins back over. It was terrifying. It still is. But, my illusion of control, though comforting, was just that, an illusion. I no more know what the future holds than I can flap my arms and fly. I have an idea and many hopes, but no certain knowledge. Not only was my illusion an illusion, but it was also very limiting. Because of that illusion I could not see other possibilities. No, none have sprung up yet, but I am not limited and blinded to them now, should they wish to appear.<br />
Here's another paradox for you, Faith is juxtapose Fear, yes? Yes. Where faith exists fear cannot, and vice versa. Well, I find that I am still nervous when I think of the future and it's uncertainty. Nervous is fear in a very small portion right? Ok. Here's the kicker, Even though I'm nervous and that nervousness is in part because I am trusting my Savior, I have full faith in Him. That bit of fear I have is because of my faith. And I'd take that bit of fear over an illusion of control any day. Every time.<br />
Perhaps it's not fear at all, maybe it's pain and humility reminding me that I have to rely on someone other than myself. But it is so freeing. And terrifying. Did I mention that it's still scary. But I have faith. And faith in someone I know will never lead me astray.<br />
Whooo, ok. Now, I accept it wholly.<br />
I'll check back with you on that.Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-56654062038683546852014-03-04T11:47:00.001-08:002014-03-04T11:48:18.201-08:00Going HomeI never thought I'd be back in the position where I would return home to live again. Not to my parent's house, but back to my home town. It's going to be strange moving back and knowing that I will be living there for a little while on the way to my ultimate goal. A few close friends are worried about the move, they worry about the social life that waits me there.<br />
Maybe I should worry too, but I don't. I feel very deeply and strongly that this move is right. I will be where I need to be and I am excited to start this new trail in my life. It's going to be great!<br />
The thing is, I believe I know what lies ahead of me and it isn't the bleak picture my friends believe it to be. It is a beautiful picture. I trust the Lord, I know he has great plans for me and they don't include a bleak future I need to despair of. The future is bright and beautiful because my Savior is at the helm.<br />
I'm going home!Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-80689631937893646922014-01-20T23:56:00.003-08:002014-01-20T23:57:36.381-08:00One Step Enough For MeLead, kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom; lead thou me on! The night is dark and I am far from home; Lead thou me on! Keep thou my feet; I don't ask to see the distant scene - one step enough for me.<br />
~John Henry Newman<br />
One step enough for me. Once that would have terrified me and I would have fought tooth and nail to see and know. But now, I trust. And I do, I do trust, wholly and completely. The Lord does lead me one step at a time. He give me just enough light to see the step I need to take, so I prepare to take that step. Sometimes before I even make the step, he sheds light on a step just slightly to the left or right of that step. Sometimes I actually make it to that step. Then, once I have taken the step he's shown me, he shows me the next step. I used to pray that he would illuminate the entire path for me. He did, and I felt trapped. I didn't want that path, I didn't make sense and it was confusing and wrong. But I had asked, so I learned to accept it. When I finally accepted it, he gently took me by the hand and should me one step on a different path. Still I asked to have the whole pathway illuminated, but the Lord is patient and wise. I had to be content with one step. I cried and begged and pleaded. Finally I humbled myself and trusted.<br />
My mother always tells me that the Lord doesn't micromanage. I know he doesn't, and the Lord wants a people that don't have to be counseled in all things. But, I also know, that if we are paying attention, and listening for it, the small but significant choices we make can be guided. The Lord doesn't tell me what to eat or even tell me to read my scriptures every time I wake up. He has told me once, and if I want to prove myself to him I will doe as he asks me.<br />
Sometimes I do ask for the answer over and over again because I just want to be sure <i>I</i> didn't get it wrong. Sometimes he is so patient and he tells me over and over. Sometimes he waits in silence for me to remember that I know the answer.<br />
I could go on for hours. It sufficeth me to say, "One step enough for me." Lead thou me on.Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-85269795415239531842013-10-05T08:55:00.001-07:002013-10-05T08:55:52.910-07:00General ConferenceI sit here on my couch awaiting easily my favorite event every six months. GENERAL CONFERENCE!!!!!<br />
I love the spirit I feel and the comfort I receive in sitting and listening to the prophets give us the word of the Lord. We are so blessed and so lucky to have a living prophet on the earth who teaches us the word of God and keeps us living a good and moral life. We are so blessed, the Lord loves his children. Why would He leave us to fend for ourselves? Why would miracles cease on the earth today? They won't, the Lord is very active in our lives and he always will be because He loves us. All of us.<br />
Thank goodness for General Conference to remind me just how much the Lord loves his children on the Earth today.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://mormonisminvestigated.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/general-conference.jpg?w=610" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://mormonisminvestigated.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/general-conference.jpg?w=610" width="320" /></a></div>
Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-71614774401119107052013-09-10T21:41:00.001-07:002013-10-05T08:56:26.985-07:00InsecuritiesWhen I tell people that I have self-confidence issues I usually get some sort of reaction like this:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-bfgCHfQu04ZC1OSOQxLZO9_XhbSdvNNy9Vd0GDETlE_fog2i3bss8SVCOo4aRwDPK8KhAln5_jQdeB4HqCDqaaOHrjjlfrV9d49_bx77tIiyovKHdLubpBFl23BukEFaLnYarXijv1ng/s1600/What+face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-bfgCHfQu04ZC1OSOQxLZO9_XhbSdvNNy9Vd0GDETlE_fog2i3bss8SVCOo4aRwDPK8KhAln5_jQdeB4HqCDqaaOHrjjlfrV9d49_bx77tIiyovKHdLubpBFl23BukEFaLnYarXijv1ng/s320/What+face.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
Just cuz I fake it really well. Ok, fine, it's not that I fake it really well, it's that I have no self confidence when it comes to people. And by that I mean, I know my worth insofar as the Lord is concerned and so, for the most part, I don't really care what people think of me. That is, until I start caring about them. Then I care what they think about me and then I start worrying and picking apart everything I do and I realize I do a lot of dumb things that people might not like and what if they don't like me when they get to know me and how long do I wait until I'm sure that the other shoe won't drop because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop even though I know that is irrational and I'm being a little silly and what if I don't tell him that I appreciate him enough because I do but I have this thing where I like to tease people because I don't want them knowing just how much I like them but what if they think I don't appreciate them or see them but what if I'm too honest.... It goes on and on and on. I hate it. </div>
<div>
Sigh, one of these days I'll stop being so insecure. But now I have a boyfriend, so it's full tilt. ONWARD INSECURITIES! DROWN HER! RUIN IT ALL!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Well, I refuse to let you. So there.</div>
Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-40691982173347294802013-07-29T16:30:00.000-07:002013-07-30T09:49:42.346-07:00Take That Lungs!Yesterday I didn't feel like sitting around so I thought I would challenge myself a little. For those who don't know, every time I exercise in a way that involves my lungs, they go crazy. They hate being worked, there's a name for the laziness of my lungs, it's called exercise induced asthma. It's super fun!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.pagemark.ca/portfolio/images/lazy_lungs_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="226" src="http://www.pagemark.ca/portfolio/images/lazy_lungs_1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
This is also the main reason I don't run. Running is also the devil, so there's that too.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
How others run:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://coasthillsrunningclub.com/images/header2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://coasthillsrunningclub.com/images/header2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
How I run:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://tigerspictures.net/bengal-tiger-running-in-water.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://tigerspictures.net/bengal-tiger-running-in-water.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Haha, just kidding, it's more like this:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://monkeysayswhat.com/images/smalls/BHound1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="304" src="http://monkeysayswhat.com/images/smalls/BHound1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Now that I've summed that up,I hate it. I hate going hiking with others and having to say, "I'm... (wheeze, hack) ... fine... (pant, pant)... let's...(wheeze)...keep...hoo boy...going...(wheeze, pant, pant)." But, I love hiking. So today I decided I was going to hike Y mountain if it killed me. I took ample supplies: 3 granola bars, one bottle of water, one powerade, hand sanitizer (hey, you never know when you need that stuff), a lighter, tissues, my inhaler, and sunscreen (it let me down and I got burned anyway. Rude sunscreen, rude).</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I set off and was immediately passed up by a posse of teenagers. Undaunted, I set my own pace and continued climbing.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
If you haven't had the horrid and perverse pleasure of hiking the Y, the angle of the climb is pretty much 45 degrees at all times. It's great. My lungs and heart thought so too and got so excited that I had to stop far more times than I care to count to calm them down.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;">
<a href="http://www.how-to-draw-cartoons-online.com/image-files/cartoon_heart.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.how-to-draw-cartoons-online.com/image-files/cartoon_heart.gif" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
An hour after I started the 1.2 mi trip up I finally reached the bottom of the Y. The posse of teenagers sat at the top and got in the way of my picture taking. But I did manage to get some pictures! I felt like a boss.</div>
<br />
<span style="text-align: center;">I had to work really hard to contain my excitement...</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDyhwdNcZTvpBXTJE6-DNrH9Jl0dlHGUIOi7CI47cOvafdanu9xOlE7fGtuFKesOZ98JAApKZ_hpzgZvVqDNaFs2UYWnDiQARx-G8Y7IJ9gxghvmW6ptCCNFkeEHs4C2G96rlllzjxXqp_/s1600/IMG_20130729_144418.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDyhwdNcZTvpBXTJE6-DNrH9Jl0dlHGUIOi7CI47cOvafdanu9xOlE7fGtuFKesOZ98JAApKZ_hpzgZvVqDNaFs2UYWnDiQARx-G8Y7IJ9gxghvmW6ptCCNFkeEHs4C2G96rlllzjxXqp_/s320/IMG_20130729_144418.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
But I made it up, so I was proud of that.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH7D98SKjVDDJij7IkfNwpURAr2OPATVXMRZpmuwim_7KJX3le10oDsCkdWxttNeM0Tn4VJZ0jWal6EP7AlRDskSmcQMJH139a0-8kRqaXcF-9v7wHOomflefkrsuRWaLr4yxQ6G4Vxsg_/s1600/IMG_20130729_144429.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH7D98SKjVDDJij7IkfNwpURAr2OPATVXMRZpmuwim_7KJX3le10oDsCkdWxttNeM0Tn4VJZ0jWal6EP7AlRDskSmcQMJH139a0-8kRqaXcF-9v7wHOomflefkrsuRWaLr4yxQ6G4Vxsg_/s320/IMG_20130729_144429.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
The beautiful view and a member of the posse</div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij42-GKHZwtADxcCrUI4k8HjRLM2NYNtidFBVSzbwMQ2leWAfnmvBC-ptJEptkzzkKaRDmW6rBzSEFLCZuSthbF1w_JH5pP1ZpoDz2HEg0lPgV6TXVPdKgnyBprZ7NDX54NLaa_fJ5G8xf/s1600/IMG_20130729_144404.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij42-GKHZwtADxcCrUI4k8HjRLM2NYNtidFBVSzbwMQ2leWAfnmvBC-ptJEptkzzkKaRDmW6rBzSEFLCZuSthbF1w_JH5pP1ZpoDz2HEg0lPgV6TXVPdKgnyBprZ7NDX54NLaa_fJ5G8xf/s320/IMG_20130729_144404.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij42-GKHZwtADxcCrUI4k8HjRLM2NYNtidFBVSzbwMQ2leWAfnmvBC-ptJEptkzzkKaRDmW6rBzSEFLCZuSthbF1w_JH5pP1ZpoDz2HEg0lPgV6TXVPdKgnyBprZ7NDX54NLaa_fJ5G8xf/s1600/IMG_20130729_144404.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU607NgCSIf4kG6YqAFeQD8NMu56ydA8Rnx4i97246_ORUQs8FFRrlsgHqSO3vhqq5QQVGKJ8vmFxYF4Hr9FbliPOsYQaCCYMi78RT2zGkXQqo46ekygok7VAcf4lecXgMxjps3oEenIVT/s1600/IMG_20130729_144523.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU607NgCSIf4kG6YqAFeQD8NMu56ydA8Rnx4i97246_ORUQs8FFRrlsgHqSO3vhqq5QQVGKJ8vmFxYF4Hr9FbliPOsYQaCCYMi78RT2zGkXQqo46ekygok7VAcf4lecXgMxjps3oEenIVT/s320/IMG_20130729_144523.jpg" width="240" /></a><br />
<br />
On the way out I realized the gate said, <span style="font-size: xx-small;">B</span><span style="font-size: x-large;">Y</span><span style="font-size: xx-small;">U. </span>Neat, huh?<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj45cLEuWdfOPWIpVXNRj_nVE0R0WsJ1fybQbkxhH1mGTd_nirQYDW2kBsSEbnl3-58FQF22B5r2fljIgeCd41mhhI43QL71h5Zu7Uy2Nfne4fd49DJ4Z7TltAKdbWleyzKxqYEmUKPYnN2/s1600/IMG_20130729_151605.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj45cLEuWdfOPWIpVXNRj_nVE0R0WsJ1fybQbkxhH1mGTd_nirQYDW2kBsSEbnl3-58FQF22B5r2fljIgeCd41mhhI43QL71h5Zu7Uy2Nfne4fd49DJ4Z7TltAKdbWleyzKxqYEmUKPYnN2/s320/IMG_20130729_151605.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
That's right! Conquered that mountain like a boss. An hour up, and 15 minutes back down. Without any help from my inhaler!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0Provo, UT, USA40.248546449253418 -111.6202354431152340.24248644925342 -111.63032044311524 40.254606449253416 -111.61015044311523tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-77895907636706694412013-07-27T18:14:00.001-07:002013-07-27T18:18:47.051-07:00Can I Be Any More Awkward?So, there's a boy... It's always a boy...<br />
This particular boy is adorable, and funny, and always makes me laugh. Last week he invited me to do a movie night with him. I'm not even going to pretend like I wasn't freaking out, because I was. This little girl doesn't even begin to cover how excited I was.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://godsgratefulgirl.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/screaming20girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="http://godsgratefulgirl.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/screaming20girl.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
During the week I would tell people I was watching a movie with a boy on Friday and they would inevitably ask, "Is it a date?" To which I would respond,</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://brucefong.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/confused-face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://brucefong.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/confused-face.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
"How do you <i>not</i> know?" </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
"Well, there might be other people there, I just don't know! It doesn't matter! He INVITED me to a movie night!!!!!" And then I would gush about it for a while longer.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Friday night arrives and I am beyond excited. I go over to his apartment and it turns out there are other people, but do I mind? You got it, nope! Before the movie even starts the group is standing around in his kitchen and he keeps making eye contact with me and sharing little jokes and I'm just deliriously happy.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
But, I also want to get this started and so does he, so he grabs the movie and goes into the living room and I follow him with the popcorn. There are two couches, a love seat and a three cushion couch. He plops down right smack in the middle of the 3 cushion couch and solves my problem of figuring out where to sit.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;">
<a href="http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.5010793374089756&pid=1.7" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.5010793374089756&pid=1.7" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
We looked a little like this couple and halfway through the movie I realize that I'm analyzing his <i>every</i> move trying to find some hidden message and I have to tell myself to STOP! I shifted positions and every time I did it took me closer to the edge of my cushion, but I never crossed over the line. The whole movie, whenever he shifted positions he stayed right smack dab in the middle of the cushion. I cursed the fact that everyone either wanted to be on the floor or the other couch. Why can't we all just pack in like sardines? It would be perfect!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
The movie ends and he heads back into the back rooms of the apartment. Needless to say I was a lottle disappointed. Luckily the entire group except my best friend and me leave the apartment. I take my time gathering my things. Suddenly, my best friend points out his phone just sitting there on the couch. She and I have always been pranksters so we gather up his phone and start devising a plan of attack when we hear his voice in the kitchen. We immediately go to the door way trying our best to look like this:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4576254373530094&pid=1.7" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4576254373530094&pid=1.7" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
but end up looking more like this:</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/VXKbK-Pna27F7BM84Fkr68lHdq1knIWstO3SIga9S6LnculoqV7CyNaMXrFZ6BJ1b-NRPfuTA99zi-M-mFWCqxg=s285-c" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/VXKbK-Pna27F7BM84Fkr68lHdq1knIWstO3SIga9S6LnculoqV7CyNaMXrFZ6BJ1b-NRPfuTA99zi-M-mFWCqxg=s285-c" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
He was immediately suspicious and I couldn't handle the pressure so I just held out his phone as I blurted, "We didn't have time." My friend cracks up laughing. The three of us chat for a couple more minute before she makes her way out and saying, "Come say goodbye before you leave." (She lives in the same complex he does).</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;">
<a href="http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4610064376138956&pid=1.7" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4610064376138956&pid=1.7" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Just <i>how</i> am I supposed to get him to walk me to my car a block away if I have to come visit <i>you!?</i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
The boy and I talked for a good half hour before he had yawned enough (twice, for the record), and I felt better for the awkward movie experience because we had been nonstop laughing for those thirty minutes, that I slowly said my goodbyes. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I ran over to my friends apartment and could only talk to her for a couple minutes before telling her of my foiled plans. She immediately grabbed my arm and dragged me back to his apartment before knocking on the door and walking away. It was torture standing there at his door for those 30 seconds. Then, his roommate answered and said, "Yes?" Really? I am NOT saying, "Oh, I just want your roommate to walk me to my car..." Instead, I replied, "Nothing,</div>
<a href="http://godsgratefulgirl.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/screaming20girl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.bluecricketdesign.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/freak-out-face.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.bluecricketdesign.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/freak-out-face.png" /></a>" and ran screaming back to my friend's apartment. Yes, I did straight up scream in his face before I ran. Along the way I said out loud, "I hate you! I hate you!" My friend stood in her doorway waiting for me with the food I'd brought over earlier. She handed it to me and said, "Love you."<br />
<div>
"No you don't!" I harrumphed, and I walked back past the boy's door. His roommate was still standing in the doorway and as I passed said, "What's up?"</div>
<div>
"Nothing" I mumble. All the while making awkward squeaks and grunts from embarrassment. </div>
<div>
"It'll be easier if you just start."</div>
<div>
"Umm, squeak, grunt... <span style="font-size: xx-small;">Where's your roommate</span>?"</div>
<div>
"What?"</div>
<div>
"<span style="font-size: x-small;">Where's your roommate</span>?" I hissed.</div>
<div>
"Do you want me to get him?"</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/iEHQVLEzj5c?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe> (:17will reveal exactly how I sounded)</div>
<div>
I pulled a Fat Amy and he said, "Let me go get him."</div>
<div>
I thought I was going to pass out. It took 2 whole minutes before the boy came to the door. <i>Two whole minutes!!!</i> The entirety of which I ran through possible explanations of why I had come back in my head and debated just leaving and never coming back... Ever.</div>
<div>
Finally the boy appeared and the doorway with a quizzical brow and I blurted,</div>
<div>
"I'll give you hummus if you walk me to my car so I don't get dismembered by Ted Bundy." Holding out my hummus to him like it's a gift to forgo my execution.</div>
<div>
With no hesitation he said, "Deal, let me get my shoes." Woah, really? Just like that? Ok... Ok... I can do this.</div>
<div>
When he got back I pointed out his spider friend just making a web on the railing just outside the door before we headed off to my car. The entire time both of us were just going off each other back and forth and he had the cutest grin on his face and I'm sure I looked like this:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4zkfV5FyyK1dDBRbPO61SL1jEttSAqOjzBNyoCdW_x91uWwI_UvXskG6FtxeGWQZB389JnXtqnmLmsDlkQwv3nKYO6YzZeHVraNyrg9j5ayUj28MVEVBb3MNQ7GVZGdUIxbjur413KMjS/s640/Hlllary-clinton-goofy-smile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4zkfV5FyyK1dDBRbPO61SL1jEttSAqOjzBNyoCdW_x91uWwI_UvXskG6FtxeGWQZB389JnXtqnmLmsDlkQwv3nKYO6YzZeHVraNyrg9j5ayUj28MVEVBb3MNQ7GVZGdUIxbjur413KMjS/s320/Hlllary-clinton-goofy-smile.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div>
We finally got to my car and I gave over the promised hummus. We talked for a little while longer and said a slightly awkward goodbye. I didn't know if I should hug him or not so I just said, "Bye, thank you for walking me to my car. Don't die."<br />
"I'll say hello to Ted Bundy for you."</div>
<div>
"Haha" and turned around and opened my car. Then I got in and had some serious words with myself, mostly about how ridiculous and awkward that was. But really, could it have been any more awkward? Or perfect? </div>
Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-14017163427914793332013-04-14T13:42:00.000-07:002013-04-14T13:42:09.993-07:00How to Save the World?I wish I knew. My roommate has been having a rough go of life. I want to take away her pain and her loneliness. But, I know my other rommie is right, she is now in a place where only she can help herself. And she will probably struggle for the rest of her life.<br />
Unfortunately, or fortunately, life is a balancing act. Too much of anything is bad, moderation is good. Often, we human beings go from one extreme to the other and we can't seem to find the safe middle of the seesaw. We got on at one end and thunk to the ground. So, we get up and run to the other end only to be bucked off.<br />
<img src="http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.5051788749833826&pid=1.7&w=180&h=123&c=7&rs=1" /><br />
Some few of us immediately figure out that we need to stand in the middle to be safe from hurt. Most of us will go back to the other extreme, not as far though. And so we go from one end to the other, each time a little less farther out. Finally, we find the middle and, hopefully, stay there. Some of us just keep going from one extreme to the other trying to figure it out.<br />
The Savior understands the seesaw differently. He invites other to come sit with him and enjoy the seesaw. He will often come sit with us and helps us figure out how to obtain balance with the skills we are given. He encourages us to invite others to join us. And we in turn help them find the balance in their own lives.<br />
<img src="http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4706443311777080&pid=1.7&w=218&h=154&c=7&rs=1" /><br />
So many times I forget that happiness comes from helping others and focusing on their happiness. It's really funny, we can't be happy until we focus on helping others to be happy. The more we focus on ourselves, the more miserable and unhappy we become. Playing on a seesaw is less fun when you try on your own. You can't reach the full heights as you can when someone else plays with you.<br />
I wish I could help her see this, but she is too buried in her pain and resigned to feeling nothing to avoid pain. I cannot bring her out. I just hope she will bring herself out soon and take joy in the beautiful things around her.Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-46105706309368073052013-03-11T14:22:00.000-07:002013-03-11T14:22:06.941-07:00Stream of Self-consiousnessOk. So I made a <span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">h</span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">u</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">g</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">e</span> <span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">a</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">n</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">n</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">o</span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">u</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">n</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">c</span>e<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">m</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">e</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">n</span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">t</span></span> to my roommate today and that announcement is.... <span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">drum roll please</span>,... I'm ready to date again. But, seriously, I really am this time.<br />
What kept me from being ready before was my lack of <span style="font-size: xx-small;">self-esteem</span> when it comes to others. When it comes to Heavenly Father I know how <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">valuable and loved</span> I am. I know He sees my potential and He is helping me <span style="font-size: large;">reach</span> it when I let him. I <span style="font-size: large;">know</span> I'm incredible and wanted and He would do <span style="font-size: large;">anything</span> to help me be truly happy. But, when it comes to other people I wonder what they see in me. I wonder if they truly see the potential I have or the person I am. Often I <span style="font-size: x-small;">doubt</span> that they do. Or, even if I do believe they see me for who I am and who I will be, I don't believe they will <span style="font-size: x-small;">continue</span> to see it.<br />
Well, <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">that</span> was how I used to be. Now, <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I am glad to be me</span> and I am looking for someone who sees me for <span style="font-size: large;">who I am</span> and <span style="font-size: large;">who I will</span> become. I will no longer doubt that a good man will continue to see me in this way and that he will help me reach my potential. I am beginning to <span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">trust</span> that there are those out there who love me and will <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">always</span> love me. I have had friends who have stuck with me through my trials, who have seen me at my absolute <span style="font-size: xx-small;">lowest</span> point and who have stood by me because they know <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">who I truly am</span> and the good I am capable of. I <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">believe in myself </span>and I believe that <span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am innately good and desirable</span> to a man who is also innately good. No longer will I listen to the voices both inside and out saying <span style="font-size: x-small;">I am not good enough</span>, or <span style="font-size: xx-small;">I am not worth it</span>. To those I say, "<span style="font-size: x-large;">I</span> don't need <span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>you</b></span> because <u>you are wrong</u>." I will eliminate them, or at the very least I will not tolerate them in my life.<br />
No longer will I confuse <b>humility</b> with <span style="font-size: xx-small;">self-abasement</span>. Having <b>humility</b> is not believe you are worthless, it is knowing<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> you are full of worth</span>. <b>Humility</b> is not like pride, the proud have pride because they are afraid that without whatever it is they have their pride in, they are nothing. Having <b>humility</b> is <i>knowing</i>, that even with everything <span style="font-size: x-small;">stripped away</span>, you still have<span style="font-size: large;"> so much</span> <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">potential</span> and <span style="font-size: large;">so much</span> <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">worth</span> stored inside your soul. I had to have everything<span style="font-size: x-small;"> emotionally stripped away</span> from me to understand this. Thankfully, I learned it.<br />
Now, how to start about this <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">dating business</span>? All I want it to<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> get to know</span> enough people that I can decided what <span style="font-size: large;">works</span> and <span style="font-size: large;">what does not </span>work for me. Perhaps this seems like a selfish way to look at it, but, if it doesn't work for me <b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">why</span></b> would I hurt someone<span style="font-size: large;"> by pretending it does</span>? It would just hurt them more later on down the road when I can no longer hold the farce together. So, do I go on <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">as many dates</span> with <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">as many people</span> as I can so I can better understand what <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">compliments my personality</span>? Or do I just try dating <b>one</b> person at a time until it doesn't work out, or does? I personally believe the <span style="font-size: large;">first option is more fair</span> for everyone involved, but in Provo that comes with a <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">stigma</span>. If I choose to try it that way then labels like <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">flirt</span>, <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">slut</span>,<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> tramp</span>, <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">easy</span> and others come with that territory. Jess tells me that I act interested and then I don't and then I act interested in other guys. The problem is, I <span style="font-size: x-large;">am</span> interested in other guys. I see aspects in <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">everyone</span> that I find <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">incredibly attractive</span> as a prospective husband. I want to <span style="font-size: large;">get to know a guy</span> before I decide to go steady, or to not continue dating. But how do I have confidence in that? I don't want to <span style="font-size: x-small;">hurt</span> anyone. I just want to do what's<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"> best</span> for me and for everyone else. What to do? <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">What</span> ... <span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">to</span> ... <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">do</span>?!Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-43477155981960405782013-01-21T22:11:00.002-08:002013-01-21T22:11:58.770-08:00The TempleO my friends. Those whose names and faces I know and those who I have yet to meet. Do everything you can to be worthy of and go to the temple. It is an incredible and beautiful place that fills you with peace and awe and love. I have never had a happier day than the day I went through the temple. That has my wedding day included. I have never been filled with so much love, joy, wonder, and peace. If you are not striving to live worthy of your covenants, fix it. You are never too far gone or lost that you cannot be redeemed and brought back into the loving arms of your Heavenly Father. The Gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true. Let it into your heart and let it change you into a better person. If you are thinking that you don't need to be changed, you are missing the entire purpose of your life on this earth. There will never be a time in your life where you cannot be changed to become better. Take advantage of that and enjoy it!Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-48327022625175285922013-01-16T16:40:00.000-08:002013-01-16T16:40:06.832-08:00Going to the TempleI am going through the temple. January 19th. This Saturday. I can't even express the incredible joy I feel for this upcoming event. It's like all of my life has come to this pinnacle. I just feel filled with joy and boundless happiness. I get so excited that I randomly shout, "<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">10 Days!!!!!!</span>" or "<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">3 Days!!!!!</span>" at random strangers then giggle delightedly to myself. I can hardly believe I'm going, it's like I'm in a dream. I can't concentrate on anything, and my very first grades are suffering a little. Oops. I know I will be fine after this weekend, but I just can't concentrate right now.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7AXAZgzUY61_btL2KsZKGbpvpkDa_2BbfwgWN-OndttaYSLRu94P4dTq75RJ6hLjNXkZspD7atFu2-mIi1cB3PULB62YPFAOC04JsOprio4K-uZ8WPzNc_ZZ7vLBineNUJ4vaPt_2zAw/s1600/IMGP2542_3_4_5_tmpEd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7AXAZgzUY61_btL2KsZKGbpvpkDa_2BbfwgWN-OndttaYSLRu94P4dTq75RJ6hLjNXkZspD7atFu2-mIi1cB3PULB62YPFAOC04JsOprio4K-uZ8WPzNc_ZZ7vLBineNUJ4vaPt_2zAw/s320/IMGP2542_3_4_5_tmpEd.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I am going to the temple. I have been waiting for this since I was a little girl, it has been more important to me than pretty much everything. I'm glad I am going just to go through and not to prepare for a mission or before getting married. It means I have time to reveal in the simple beauty and wonder of the temple itself. I am coming home. Home. It's where I belong.Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-68940461325184260562012-12-04T00:28:00.000-08:002012-12-04T00:28:17.725-08:00Saving the WorldOne thing not to put on your application for grad school or a job when you have a bachelors in psychology, "I want to help people." Even if it is true. How does that make you different from the other 20 billion people with psychology degrees?<br />
But, the truth is, all I want to do, all I've ever wanted to do is help people. My personal goal every day is to leave the people I've come across a little happier, their world a little brighter, and their burdens a little lighter. I want to make people feel special, because they are. I want to be their friend, because they deserve a good friend. (Not saying I am a good friend, but I try). Not just a friend who tells you what you want to hear all the time, but a friend who will tell you you are being an utter fool when you NEED to hear it, who will let you take consequences for your mistakes because that is what is best for you. I want people to know how to find happiness because, as prideful as this may sound, there really is one way.<br />
Think about it. When have you felt most happy? Truly happy? Not high, or drunk or lustful. When was the last time you felt truly happy, the kind of happiness that lasts? When did you feel best about yourself? Was it when you were with your family trying to do something for someone other than yourself? When you helped someone reach that goal they had been working so hard for, just because? When you did something nice, not because you got something out of it, but just because you could?<br />
That is happiness. Lift up your head! Raise your voice! Help a weary soul find a little peace and rest. Get into the spirit of Christmas. Help the Savior save the world.Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-50011294074691255172012-11-27T10:19:00.001-08:002012-11-27T10:19:44.629-08:00Reason, Season, LifetimeSorry I've been away for so long. I don't really have an excuse.<br />
My Doctrine and Covenant class has us write what is called Scenario Papers where we use at least three scriptures from the D&C to answer personal questions from classmates. Today I chose to answer this one.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">By January, two of my current roommates will have moved
out (reasons: marriage and study abroad). They are some of my best friends and
I'm really sad that I won't be living with them any more. How can I prepare
myself for this huge change?</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> Change
is difficult for so many things. It almost always is good, especially when you
trust in the Lord and look to him in every thought (Proverbs 3:6). I roomed
with complete strangers this summer and by the end of our short two months
together I had become closer friends with them than anyone else I’d ever roomed
with. It broke my heart to see them go, I hate it when people I’m close to
leave. The roommate I’d grown closest to had written down a poem she knew
called, “Reason, Season and Lifetime.” It is an incredible poem and it opened
my eyes. People who come into our lives for a Reason teach us a lesson and then
are gone, not because we did anything wrong, but because that is how it was
meant to be. “And how it was possible for him to preach to those spirits and
perform the necessary labor among them in so short a time” (D&C 138:28).
There are necessary labors for all of us to perform for others, and sometimes
that is all that is required. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> Other
people come into our lives for a Season, we learn more than one lesson from
them and develop a great relationship. But, again, they leave without any wrong
doing on our part. Sometimes it is to help us get through a hard time, or to
teach us something that takes longer than a Reason. Always they make
significant impact on our lives. It may seem trivial to ask the Lord for help
when others leave our lives but according to the prophecy of Isaiah, “the
Redeemer was anointed to bind up the broken-hearted” (D&C 138:42). Before
this year I had never realized just how much the Atonement of Christ covers. It
is infinite, I had always thought that meant it went forwards and backwards
through time. Now my understanding has been expanded and I realized it covers
everything infinitely, every hurt, every sorrow, every moment of loneliness,
every tear, every disappointment, every sin, every mistake, every ill spoken
word, every loss, everything. Even the heartache of losing those close to us
for a short time, or for a very long time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"> Some
people come into our lives for a Lifetime. Perhaps your roommates will be there
for you for a lifetime. Just because people leave doesn't mean that we can’t
reach out to them and stay in touch. I know it’s not the same, but life has
many people who come to reach and teach us. There will be more who will help
and build you up. That </span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">doesn't</span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"> mean we forget the first, but we can and must allow
others to come in. “But behold, from among the righteous, he organized his forces
and appointed messengers, clothed with power and authority, and commissioned
them to go forth and carry the light of the gospel to them that were in
darkness, even to all the spirits of men” (D&C 138:30). Whether people come
into my life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime, I do all I can to touch their
lives and leave them with a little more light than I found them. It makes it easier to let them go, and I know I will see them again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">Writing this broke my heart a bit.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">Here's the poem.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<b style="background-color: white; color: #783896;"><table align="center" style="width: 90%px;"><tbody>
<tr><td><div align="justify">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #783896;">People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.</span></span></b></div>
<div align="justify">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #783896;">When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.</span></span></b></div>
<div align="justify">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #783896;">When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.</span></span></b></div>
<div align="justify">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: #783896;">LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.</span></span></b></div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</b></div>
Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-82289433979645516992012-10-29T16:19:00.001-07:002012-10-29T16:19:33.257-07:00What's the Point?"Being married won't make me happy. ... I once was happy but now I'm even more miserable. ... I tried, it didn't work. ... I don't want this. ... Socializing brings more pain. ... If I'd never asked her on that first date I wouldn't be hurting this much now. ... I don't see the point in reading my scriptures. ... Pain, suffering does cause us to grow. ... I don't want to grow. ... He doesn't want me to be happy. ... When I pray, I already know what he's going to say and I don't want to do it. ... I'm doing my calling even though I don't want it and I don't want to do it. ...I can find happiness in the gospel when I'm dead. ... I've already tried the best I can, I'm done. ... The more trying I do, the more socializing I have to do, the more pain I receive. ... I don't want to. ... I don't care if I'm happy or not. ...I always end up back here, unhappy."<br />
<br />
It breaks my heart when I hear this, and right now my roommate is having a conversation with her friend over Skype and he has said all of these things. It makes me want to weep. People who say this don't understand the true beauty of the gospel and the Atonement laid out in perfect and incredible simplicity. These words come from someone who is suffering from hurt and the desire to escape the pain that came from whatever trial had happened.<br />
The truth is, they do care about being happy; if they didn't care if they were happy they wouldn't pull away and guard their hearts so ferociously. But, the tragic truth they are missing is, the more they pull away and cover their hearts, the worse they will feel. Yes, heartbreak is incredibly painful and that pain is real. Pain is real. People will hurt us and it can be very destructive. But, all these people can see is the pain that comes from interacting with others, perhaps that is all they have known. But, if they would just take a small leap of faith, they could see the reward that comes from serving others.<br />
No matter where else they turn or whatever else they do to fill the hole in their heart, it will never completely heal unless they turn to the Lord and to serving their fellow man. And I think everyone knows this, deep down we all know that we cannot be truly happy unless we turn to the truth. We yearn to be with other people, to be accepted and loved, to be told that we are worth it, our souls resonate with the truths in the gospel. Something deep inside us tell us the truth that we don't always like to face. And nothing else we try will fill the void in our souls.<br />
Take advantage of the gospel and the Atonement! I promise, I <i>promise</i>! You say you've already tried that, but if you truly had you would know that what you had thought before was the cry of a desperate pained soul. If you truly tried to access the Atonement you would have felt the incredible and overpowering pure love of Christ and Heavenly Father. Charity and service are the answer. Amazingly and seemingly contradictory, the more charity you give to others, the more you are filled. And with charity comes happiness. Remember that nothing is instant and if it is, it cannot make you happy. Life happens and pain exists. Push through it, don't ever give up. If you don't believe me try reading the Book of Mormon everyday, praying twice a day, going to church, and take advantage of the opportunities for service that come your way for 60 days. If you miss one, don't beat yourself up, just pick it up. And when you pray, pray as though you expect someone to hear and respond, because, if you do, someone will listen and He will respond. He always listens and He always responds, maybe not on your timing, but He always responds. Try it.Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-89826230420547727372012-09-14T23:18:00.002-07:002012-09-20T07:54:48.511-07:00MessyDating is messy any way you slice it. It's like an ooey gooey piece of cake with caramel and chocolate sauce drizzled on top and you have to eat it with your hands. Depending on the slice, it might have a little too much baking power... Causing it to errupt in your mouth in a semi-unpleasant way. Or it might have too much salt... And be a little too off flavor. Sometimes it has to much flour and the other tastes don't show through because the cake is just too bland. Or it's too rich and you can't eat it all at once. Or maybe it's too crumbly and it's slipped through your fingers before you've even had a proper taste.The goal in scarfing down these decadent pieces of cake is not greed, but a hungering for the perfect piece where all the lumps were made smooth and the perfect amount of every ingredient has been mixed together.<br />
I found a slice that seems to have been made by the world's most meticulous baker and I think I might have dropped it on the ground. In my defense, the previous piece seemed like perfection until I got to the middle and then it was like a mix of all the wrong, bitter, surprising flavors and I had to stop eating. So it is understandable that my hands are shaky and uncertain. I just hope that I can scoop it up and make it work, if not, well, then I've learned to be more confident in the slices I chose. I am learning to spot the choices slices and I'm getting better and better at it.<br />
Ah cake. :) Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-80191963915740270402012-09-09T00:16:00.002-07:002012-09-09T00:16:54.090-07:00Addictions, more than the physical.Can you really be addicted to a song? I submit that you absolutely can. I love songs! But there is one song in particular that has caught my fancy and held me enthralled for most of the day.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/zYXjLbMZFmo?fs=1" width="480"></iframe><br />
<br />
Ok, so the video is really weird, but the music? Incredible, the melody? Enthralling, his voice? So hypnotic... Sigh, I am addicted to a song! I am ADDICTED TO A SONG! <br />
Now all I need to do is get help for it....<br />
But where do I even start????<br />
P.S. I found this on Facebook, a friend shared it. I blame him for my obession. Yep, I am totally passing the buck. :)Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-800596526903392272012-08-28T23:51:00.004-07:002012-08-28T23:52:22.419-07:00Don't Be an IdiotWhat need I say more?<br />
We were asked to write an essay on this prompt, "You have just learned that you have no more than 30 minutes to live. Everyone you have ever know - family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, even strangers with whom you only had brief contact - are gathered to hear you final thoughts. In 500 words what would you say to them?"<br />
Only 500 words???? I have so much more to say!<br />
As I was writing it I realized that I wouldn't leave it to my death bed. I have already told everyone, except random strangers, everything I would like to say. I would just say it again because, for some reason, being on a deathbed is sacred and the words one speaks hold more weight.<br />
First and foremost I would have to say, "Don't be an idiot... Seriously." Especially to those who have found the secret to true happiness and for some reason or another don't give it the attention and dedication it deserves. Seriously? Why? What possible terrible excuse can you have for wasting your own happiness? Honestly?! Can you look yourself in the mirror and say, without shame, guilt, sarcasm, or longing, "I am perfectly content and at peace with the way I live now. Even if I could, I would change nothing." If you can't say that with utter confidence, FIX IT!!!! You know what to do, you just don't want to do it. YES... YOU DO.<br />
Why? Why do we put off contentment, true happiness and peace???? WHY? Because Satan know what he's doing and he's convinced you you don't deserve. Well guess what? That is the biggest load of bullcrap that every person has swallowed at some point in his life. You <i style="font-weight: bold;">do deserve</i> to be happy. So get over yourself and shape up. When you fall down, don't beat yourself up. Get back on that horse and ride it! No, you can't do it alone no matter what you tell yourself. Yes, <i>you</i> have to make the choice, but you can't do it alone. That's why we have the atonement. Use it. Seriously. Don't be an idiot. Forgive yourself and love yourself or you will never, ever, ever find peace. Do it. Don't be an idiot.Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6902758949893615035.post-47890067680108743452012-08-07T19:57:00.000-07:002012-08-07T20:46:42.284-07:00Frog Dating - A delicacyI love my job. Today I had the best conversation about dating I have ever had.<br />
Me: "Jared, can we be friends forever?"<br />
Jared (the funniest kid I've ever met sitting two chairs away to my left who has made me guffaw at least 12 times in the past 2 days): "Sure!"<br />
Dahlin (sitting one chair to my right who is also hilarious): "Hmmm? Yeah?" While gesturing with his eyes toward Jared.<br />
Me: "No..."<br />
Dahlin: "I don't think you are getting my point."<br />
Me: "No, I got it, that was my answer... No..."<br />
Dahlin: "Could you be more specific? I'm not very good at guessing."<br />
Me: "I was answering your question."<br />
Dahlin: "Which question?"<br />
Me: "The one you were asking."<br />
Dahlin: Something about happiness sitting two chairs away.<br />
Me: "We already discussed this, I'm not interesting in trying that right now."<br />
Dahlin: "I have eaten frog in my life..."<br />
Me: "What does that have to do with anything?"<br />
Dahlin: "It didn't look like anything that I would want to try eating, but when I did try it, it was the best thing in the world."<br />
Me: "I've tried frog before and it has made me very sick."<br />
Dahlin & Me: "Stomach ache? Food Poisoning!"<br />
Jared: "YOU GOT FOOD POISONING FROM TRYING FROG????"<br />
Me (trying very hard to get the words past my bouts of laughter): "Yep, and it was a very unpleasant experience."<br />
Jared: "WHY WOULD YOU EAT FROG! You should never try frog again."<br />
Me (gesturing toward Jared but talking to Dahlin): "SEE! You see what I'm saying?!"<br />
Jared: "We have to get you away from your addictions where you will never eat frog again. Maybe in the desert, Oh wait, there's toads... The Amazon! Where the frogs are poisonous so if you eat one you die! So you can either give in to your addiction and die or your addiction will over come you and take you down!"<br />
Me: "Right!"<br />
Dahlin: "You could at least try frog again."<br />
Me: "The last frog I tried was a bad experience, it..."<br />
Dahlin: "Hopped away?"<br />
Me: "With half of me along with it. But I do nibble."<br />
Dahlin: "I think you'd better explain 'nibbling.'"<br />
Me: "No physical contact just dating for fun."<br />
Dahlin: "No hugs or high fives???"<br />
Me: "Yes, high fives... and hugs at the end."<br />
Dahlin: "I once took a girl on a date and she didn't give me a hug or a high five, she just walked right into her door."<br />
Oh work, I actually look forward to you every day. :)Teganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15115464178198873918noreply@blogger.com0