Not the day just a day, or week, or two months... and then some. People judge, it's what we do as a species and more often than not, we have to, how else are we going to survive? We need to judge what will harm us and what will make us better, what will make our lives harder and what will make them easier... (etc. you get and are very familiar with the point).
We judge... and then we make choices.
Some choices are easy, some are so easy it's pathetic. Some are harder and require effort and time. Some require so much more and are the hardest choices to make.
Some choices make us happy. Some choices make us and others happy. Some choices make others happy. Some choices make no one happy.
In the past two weeks, Bryan and I made a choice. On Friday December 16, 2011 we went to the county court and filed for divorce.
I know that others will judge us a great deal, and I wish it wasn't true, but I cannot stop that.
Bryan is a good man, and I regret nothing about our relationship. Could I have done more? Yes. Could he? Yes. Was it entirely the fault of either of us? No. We both shared in what has come about.
Our whole relationship was filled, and still is filled, with miracles. We met because I felt I needed to come home for the summer and fall in 2010. We met through a friend of Bryan's whom my father home taught and my father needed a companion one night. Throughout our whole relationship (the first 6 months being long distance) the Lord held us in the palm of his hand. The week before our wedding the weather waffled between spitting and pouring but never sunny until the day before. The clouds thinned and then on the day of our wedding, there was not a cloud in the sky. I woke up early to a beautiful and peaceful sunrise, it was like a little wedding gift from Heavenly Father.
As our marriage came to the last 7 weeks I have witnessed even more miracles from the Lord, many being that we had next to nothing to split, we had no debts collectively, I am not pregnant, it is happening now instead of four or five years down the road, there is no bitterness, resentment, or anger between us.
I, for my own part, have seen so many miracles as well. I have the gospel and the strength and comfort of my Heavenly Father, I have felt of His love and I know that He will always be with me. I do not regret marrying Bryan, but I am rather incredibly grateful that we did met and marry. I have wept and I allowed myself to realize that it's okay to weep. I have allowed myself to realize that it is okay to not be okay. I have felt the Lord's love for all those around me so much more keen than ever before. I was able to tolerate my family for 4 whole days at Christmas time and even drew comfort being among them.
I still love him and that will never change, no matter what happens.
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Dec 28, 2011
Nov 20, 2011
People keep asking me how marriage life is treating me, it drives me nutz! Especially because most of the people asking me are/have been married. I want to say, "You know! You've been there! Why are you asking me?" Marriage is frustrating, hard, stressful, annoying, angering and the best choice I ever made in my life. I couldn't be happier even though every often I want to scream or cry. I have never loved another person as much as I love my husband and every time I do scream or cry it only intensifies my love for him. It's actually interesting how that works, the more you go through for the ones you love, the more you love them.
But love is more than the feelings you get when he walks in the room, or he holds your hand or kisses you ever so gently, or passionately. It's a choice and a feeling that feed off each other, the more you choose to love, the more the feeling grows, and the more the feeling grows the more you choose to love. And if you ever stop choosing to love, the feeling grows less until you remember that love is hard work. It is support when you really would rather do your own thing. It is knowing that he and you both have flaws that just might drive one another absolutely crazy, but that you are loved in spite of the those. It is being there when he is going through a hard time, just being there and letting him know the love you have has not, and will not ever, lessen. It is knowing that he will be there for you when you are in the darkest hour of need. It is knowing that you might have to sacrifice the movie you really want to see or the party you might right want to go to just so he knows that you would rather spend your days by his side.
And most importantly it is being open. Without open communication and trust marriage cannot work. He needs to know when you are upset, and when you are happy, how much it means to you, and why. You cannot hold onto those things that bother you and think they will go away, they don't. You also cannot blame him for everything, you are causing at least 50% of the problem (if not more!). He is trying too and you are doing things that bother him too. Trust him, open your heart to him, tell him your fears, joys, hopes, dreams, and wishes. Just sit and talk, or sit in silence and enjoy one another's company. Making him happy is (and should be if it's not) your number one focus, nothing matters more than your marriage. Nothing. Don't forget, he wants to make you happy too.
It's hard work at first, and may be (most likely will be) for the rest of your life. But it is so rewarding. I regret nothing and would do it all over if I had the choice.
But love is more than the feelings you get when he walks in the room, or he holds your hand or kisses you ever so gently, or passionately. It's a choice and a feeling that feed off each other, the more you choose to love, the more the feeling grows, and the more the feeling grows the more you choose to love. And if you ever stop choosing to love, the feeling grows less until you remember that love is hard work. It is support when you really would rather do your own thing. It is knowing that he and you both have flaws that just might drive one another absolutely crazy, but that you are loved in spite of the those. It is being there when he is going through a hard time, just being there and letting him know the love you have has not, and will not ever, lessen. It is knowing that he will be there for you when you are in the darkest hour of need. It is knowing that you might have to sacrifice the movie you really want to see or the party you might right want to go to just so he knows that you would rather spend your days by his side.
And most importantly it is being open. Without open communication and trust marriage cannot work. He needs to know when you are upset, and when you are happy, how much it means to you, and why. You cannot hold onto those things that bother you and think they will go away, they don't. You also cannot blame him for everything, you are causing at least 50% of the problem (if not more!). He is trying too and you are doing things that bother him too. Trust him, open your heart to him, tell him your fears, joys, hopes, dreams, and wishes. Just sit and talk, or sit in silence and enjoy one another's company. Making him happy is (and should be if it's not) your number one focus, nothing matters more than your marriage. Nothing. Don't forget, he wants to make you happy too.
It's hard work at first, and may be (most likely will be) for the rest of your life. But it is so rewarding. I regret nothing and would do it all over if I had the choice.
Oct 25, 2011
Ungrateful? Maybe a Little
I'll be honest, I have been a straight up whiner lately. You'd think being married would make me less of a whiner, but no, I whine about everything now. Sad, just sad. I realized yesterday that I have been way too focused on myself. Yep, you heard me, I'm selfish, and ungrateful. I have not been as grateful to my husband as I should be, especially because he puts up with my whining (to a point). Luckily he has started calling me on it and I am now taking steps to overcome my addiction to whining and self-centered-ness.
First off I would like to give a shout out to my hubby, Bryan. He is so good to me, I ask him to do something and he does it, I ask him not to do something and he doesn't do it, I ask like a moron and he simply laughs and tells me cute (I'm beginning to think he is really saying I'm cute the way a puppy chewing on slippers is cute...), I forget that he doesn't like most of the foods in existence and he forgives me, he lets me cry all over his shirts (but draws the line at snot), he protects me from my rash decisions (such as buying that extra bag of chips, one of the number one weight gaining foods), he patiently teaching me things I want to learn but hate being terrible at (case in point: bowling on Saturday, I made him play three straight games in a row where he taught me how to bowl properly. My thighs are now protesting so loudly I still limp up the stairs and my score declined rapidly from 89 to 32, oops). But most of all he loves me for reasons that I know but still can't seem to understand.
Secondly, I would like to tell you about a small miracle that happened in my life today. As you know I work with special ed children, well today I thought I was experienced enough to handle one of our problem children. Ha! My bad, he was all over the place and finally ended up grabbing at me and got a good hold on my shirt collar (luckily it was a t-shirt) and gave it a yank. In that fistful he also had my necklace and when he pulled something broke in the back of it. I was upset because I really liked the necklace, but I put it in my pocket and pried his hands off me before I was rescued by another assistant. Later as I examined it, I found that one of the chains was just open wide enough for the other link to slip out. So I slipped it back in, no harm done. Then I realized if that chain piece hadn't opened the boy I was working with could have done some serious damage to my neck. You can bet I said a little prayer of thanks right then.
I will let you know how my selfish and whining detox goes. Wish me luck! Be sure to have fun this week, Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year!
First off I would like to give a shout out to my hubby, Bryan. He is so good to me, I ask him to do something and he does it, I ask him not to do something and he doesn't do it, I ask like a moron and he simply laughs and tells me cute (I'm beginning to think he is really saying I'm cute the way a puppy chewing on slippers is cute...), I forget that he doesn't like most of the foods in existence and he forgives me, he lets me cry all over his shirts (but draws the line at snot), he protects me from my rash decisions (such as buying that extra bag of chips, one of the number one weight gaining foods), he patiently teaching me things I want to learn but hate being terrible at (case in point: bowling on Saturday, I made him play three straight games in a row where he taught me how to bowl properly. My thighs are now protesting so loudly I still limp up the stairs and my score declined rapidly from 89 to 32, oops). But most of all he loves me for reasons that I know but still can't seem to understand.
Secondly, I would like to tell you about a small miracle that happened in my life today. As you know I work with special ed children, well today I thought I was experienced enough to handle one of our problem children. Ha! My bad, he was all over the place and finally ended up grabbing at me and got a good hold on my shirt collar (luckily it was a t-shirt) and gave it a yank. In that fistful he also had my necklace and when he pulled something broke in the back of it. I was upset because I really liked the necklace, but I put it in my pocket and pried his hands off me before I was rescued by another assistant. Later as I examined it, I found that one of the chains was just open wide enough for the other link to slip out. So I slipped it back in, no harm done. Then I realized if that chain piece hadn't opened the boy I was working with could have done some serious damage to my neck. You can bet I said a little prayer of thanks right then.
I will let you know how my selfish and whining detox goes. Wish me luck! Be sure to have fun this week, Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year!
Sep 15, 2011
9/10/11 12:00
Yes, we are that cool that we were married on 9-10-11-12! And the day was PERFECT!!!! From the Saturday (9/3/11) we arrived in New York to the Thursday two days before the wedding it rained constantly, alternating between pouring and drizzling, but it was basically constant. Then, Thursday night it cleared, Friday the sky was only half full of clouds that didn't rain, and Saturday was a cloudless beautiful.
Friday was the rehearsal at the golf course gazebo and as you can see it was pretty much the perfect setting. A gazebo amongst greenery with a lake in the background, what more could a girl ask for without actually being able to scout out sites?
Friday was the rehearsal at the golf course gazebo and as you can see it was pretty much the perfect setting. A gazebo amongst greenery with a lake in the background, what more could a girl ask for without actually being able to scout out sites?
Here we all are, you can't really see the lake, but no worries, it will show up later. The whole time we stood up there I was thinking, this is going to be a really nice wedding for someone, everyone looks so nice. It just didn't feel real to me. It was a little amusing I have to admit because it really was for me, it was real, and it was most definitely happening.
Here we are listening to speeches (I was really grateful I didn't have to give one, I'm terrible at speeches). One from my father and one from Bryan's. The adorable little guy you see down there is Bryan's (and now my) nephew, Chase. He is a little ball of energy, he makes all of us run around in circles and when one of us gets tired he makes someone else run with him.
The girls entering the limo the next morning. It was my first time riding a limo, I was very excited. I had to be the last in and last out though.
Bryan, Craig (Bryan's father), and me after the ceremony.
The whole bridal party. From left to right: Autumn (my matron of Honor), Kelli, Erin, Emily, Kelly (in back), Cate (in back), Me, Bryan, Brad (in back), Kurt, Brian, George (in back), Brett
My new sisters! Both of whom I love! Cate, me, Kelly
Me and my family. Seth, Mom, Dad, me, Bryan, Autumn, Derrick holding Edison, their son.
That says it all.
Isn't the cake beautiful!
Good ole cake smashing. :) He got it up my nose if you couldn't tell, gross. Yes, it certainly was.
Our first dance. "I have and I Always Will" by Dave Barnes
Father/Daughter dance. "Butterfly Kisses." Yes, we did both bawl our eyes out. The wedding wasn't really real to me until my father walked into the bridal room. Then it was suddenly real to me.
Love, love, love, love this picture!
Me and my girls all previous roommates. Erin, me, Kelli, Emily
I couldn't raise my arms as high as everyone else.
A yellow fuzzy worm that Kelli found and put on her bouquet. We're passing it from my bouquet to hers.
My first nephew, Edison Byron. Isn't he adorable? I thought so too. I had to be really careful though because he had been spitting up all day. Don't you just love babies?
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Best day ever!!!!!!
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