Prepping Again

Toxicity questionnaire! I forgot to record this yesterday, so I'll record it today instead. For the detox that I am doing, there is a questionnaire about symptoms that affect me. These are numerical to note how grievously affect my body is by the foods I consume. I won't note the symptoms, just the totals.

t9, t3, t10, t9, t10, t6 t5, t7, t10, t1, t3, t7, t0, t5, t4 = 89

So pretty bad actually.

Measurements

Weight: 153.4

Height: 5'8 1/2" (I won't add this any more).

Waist: 36"

Hips: 39 1/2"

Thighs: 24 1/2"

No exercise as of yet today. But there was a pot luck at work and I did not overeat. Yay!

So overall not too much better than yesterday. But tomorrow is another day. 

One Step Enough For Me

Lead, kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom; lead thou me on! The night is dark and I am far from home; Lead thou me on! Keep thou my feet; I don't ask to see the distant scene - one step enough for me.
~John Henry Newman
One step enough for me. Once that would have terrified me and I would have fought tooth and nail to see and know. But now, I trust. And I do, I do trust, wholly and completely. The Lord does lead me one step at a time. He give me just enough light to see the step I need to take, so I prepare to take that step. Sometimes before I even make the step, he sheds light on a step just slightly to the left or right of that step. Sometimes I actually make it to that step. Then, once I have taken the step he's shown me, he shows me the next step. I used to pray that he would illuminate the entire path for me. He did, and I felt trapped. I didn't want that path, I didn't make sense and it was confusing and wrong. But I had asked, so I learned to accept it. When I finally accepted it, he gently took me by the hand and should me one step on a different path. Still I asked to have the whole pathway illuminated, but the Lord is patient and wise. I had to be content with one step. I cried and begged and pleaded. Finally I humbled myself and trusted.
My mother always tells me that the Lord doesn't micromanage. I know he doesn't, and the Lord wants a people that don't have to be counseled in all things. But, I also know, that if we are paying attention, and listening for it, the small but significant choices we make can be guided. The Lord doesn't tell me what to eat or even tell me to read my scriptures every time I wake up. He has told me once, and if I want to prove myself to him I will doe as he asks me.
Sometimes I do ask for the answer over and over again because I just want to be sure I didn't get it wrong. Sometimes he is so patient and he tells me over and over. Sometimes he waits in silence for me to remember that I know the answer.
I could go on for hours. It sufficeth me to say, "One step enough for me." Lead thou me on.

Frog Dating - A delicacy

I love my job. Today I had the best conversation about dating I have ever had.
Me: "Jared, can we be friends forever?"
Jared (the funniest kid I've ever met sitting two chairs away to my left who has made me guffaw at least 12 times in the past 2 days): "Sure!"
Dahlin (sitting one chair to my right who is also hilarious): "Hmmm? Yeah?" While gesturing with his eyes toward Jared.
Me: "No..."
Dahlin: "I don't think you are getting my point."
Me: "No, I got it, that was my answer... No..."
Dahlin: "Could you be more specific? I'm not very good at guessing."
Me: "I was answering your question."
Dahlin: "Which question?"
Me: "The one you were asking."
Dahlin: Something about happiness sitting two chairs away.
Me: "We already discussed this, I'm not interesting in trying that right now."
Dahlin: "I have eaten frog in my life..."
Me: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Dahlin: "It didn't look like anything that I would want to try eating, but when I did try it, it was the best thing in the world."
Me: "I've tried frog before and it has made me very sick."
Dahlin & Me: "Stomach ache? Food Poisoning!"
Jared: "YOU GOT FOOD POISONING FROM TRYING FROG????"
Me (trying very hard to get the words past my bouts of laughter): "Yep, and it was a very unpleasant experience."
Jared: "WHY WOULD YOU EAT FROG! You should never try frog again."
Me (gesturing toward Jared but talking to Dahlin): "SEE! You see what I'm saying?!"
Jared: "We have to get you away from your addictions where you will never eat frog again. Maybe in the desert, Oh wait, there's toads... The Amazon! Where the frogs are poisonous so if you eat one you die! So you can either give in to your addiction and die or your addiction will over come you and take you down!"
Me: "Right!"
Dahlin: "You could at least try frog again."
Me: "The last frog I tried was a bad experience, it..."
Dahlin: "Hopped away?"
Me: "With half of me along with it. But I do nibble."
Dahlin: "I think you'd better explain 'nibbling.'"
Me: "No physical contact just dating for fun."
Dahlin: "No hugs or high fives???"
Me: "Yes, high fives... and hugs at the end."
Dahlin: "I once took a girl on a date and she didn't give me a hug or a high five, she just walked right into her door."
Oh work, I actually look forward to you every day. :)

Success!!!!

I have a job! Not with Orange Soda as previously hoped for, but with Vivint. A security alarm business. I am a scheduling representative which means I schedule the installs in homes. I am looking forward with a hint of nerves to this job. The environment was very nice when I went in to interview. The staff was friendly and they ensured me it was a great company to work with. My roommate works in sales and she actually referred me to the company.
I start on Monday and I think it is going to be wonderful, at least I hope so. Wish me luck!

Job Search/Hunt/Survival-of-the-Fittest/Fight-to-the-Death!

So, I had a job interview this morning! I think it went well. :) But, competition here in Utah is a little bit more intense than the small town of Kingman. Mostly because it is a college town and the people here are very competitive. So fingers crossed that I made it!
I applied for a company called Orange Soda Internet Marketing. They make your website among the first options to pop up after a search. Here is their logo. Check 'em out sometime.

 And here is what this company makes me think of, and even what they decorate with!

Their tag line is "marketing with fizz"

People keep asking me how marriage life is treating me, it drives me nutz! Especially because most of the people asking me are/have been married. I want to say, "You know! You've been there! Why are you asking me?" Marriage is frustrating, hard, stressful, annoying, angering and the best choice I ever made in my life. I couldn't be happier even though every often I want to scream or cry. I have never loved another person as much as I love my husband and every time I do scream or cry it only intensifies my love for him. It's actually interesting how that works, the more you go through for the ones you love, the more you love them.
But love is more than the feelings you get when he walks in the room, or he holds your hand or kisses you ever so gently, or passionately. It's a choice and a feeling that feed off each other, the more you choose to love, the more the feeling grows, and the more the feeling grows the more you choose to love. And if you ever stop choosing to love, the feeling grows less until you remember that love is hard work. It is support when you really would rather do your own thing. It is knowing that he and you both have flaws that just might drive one another absolutely crazy, but that you are loved in spite of the those. It is being there when he is going through a hard time, just being there and letting him know the love you have has not, and will not ever, lessen. It is knowing that he will be there for you when you are in the darkest hour of need. It is knowing that you might have to sacrifice the movie you really want to see or the party you might right want to go to just so he knows that you would rather spend your days by his side.
And most importantly it is being open. Without open communication and trust marriage cannot work. He needs to know when you are upset, and when you are happy, how much it means to you, and why. You cannot hold onto those things that bother you and think they will go away, they don't. You also cannot blame him for everything, you are causing at least 50% of the problem (if not more!). He is trying too and you are doing things that bother him too. Trust him, open your heart to him, tell him your fears, joys, hopes, dreams, and wishes. Just sit and talk, or sit in silence and enjoy one another's company. Making him happy is (and should be if it's not) your number one focus, nothing matters more than your marriage. Nothing. Don't forget, he wants to make you happy too.
It's hard work at first, and may be (most likely will be) for the rest of your life. But it is so rewarding. I regret nothing and would do it all over if I had the choice.

Ungrateful? Maybe a Little

I'll be honest, I have been a straight up whiner lately. You'd think being married would make me less of a whiner, but no, I whine about everything now. Sad, just sad. I realized yesterday that I have been way too focused on myself. Yep, you heard me, I'm selfish, and ungrateful. I have not been as grateful to my husband as I should be, especially because he puts up with my whining (to a point). Luckily he has started calling me on it and I am now taking steps to overcome my addiction to whining and self-centered-ness.
First off I would like to give a shout out to my hubby, Bryan. He is so good to me, I ask him to do something and he does it, I ask him not to do something and he doesn't do it, I ask like a moron and he simply laughs and tells me cute (I'm beginning to think he is really saying I'm cute the way a puppy chewing on slippers is cute...), I forget that he doesn't like most of the foods in existence and he forgives me, he lets me cry all over his shirts (but draws the line at snot), he protects me from my rash decisions (such as buying that extra bag of chips, one of the number one weight gaining foods), he patiently teaching me things I want to learn but hate being terrible at (case in point: bowling on Saturday, I made him play three straight games in a row where he taught me how to bowl properly. My thighs are now protesting so loudly I still limp up the stairs and my score declined rapidly from 89 to 32, oops). But most of all he loves me for reasons that I know but still can't seem to understand.
Secondly, I would like to tell you about a small miracle that happened in my life today. As you know I work with special ed children, well today I thought I was experienced enough to handle one of our problem children. Ha! My bad, he was all over the place and finally ended up grabbing at me and got a good hold on my shirt collar (luckily it was a t-shirt) and gave it a yank. In that fistful he also had my necklace and when he pulled something broke in the back of it. I was upset because I really liked the necklace, but I put it in my pocket and pried his hands off me before I was rescued by another assistant. Later as I examined it, I found that one of the chains was just open wide enough for the other link to slip out. So I slipped it back in, no harm done. Then I realized if that chain piece hadn't opened the boy I was working with could have done some serious damage to my neck. You can bet I said a little prayer of thanks right then.
I will let you know how my selfish and whining detox goes. Wish me luck! Be sure to have fun this week, Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year!

Tribute to the Silent Heros

As my boss stated so perfectly this morning about working with special ed. "If you don't love it, you don't belong." You either love, or you hate working with special children. They are demanding, exhausting, frustrating, adorable, sweet, surprising, and always something new.

As any teacher I already have a few of my favorites.

One boy who drives me up the wall, but always surprises me with how smart he is. I finally have gotten him to listen to me. Favorite moments with him. "I'm bored." (one of his favorite things to say)

"Find something to do, help with the puzzle, play a game, or play on the wii."

He wandered into the corner and pretty soon everyone was ignoring him. (He's very dramatic and loves attention so we ignore his attention grabbing behavior). "I found a stick and I'm going to break it in half." Then after no one responds. "OW! I cut my hand! Ah, my hand! I cut it! It stings!" "How did you do that?" "I broke a stick." This kid is a high functioning kid, he doesn't need to be babysat. The stick he grabbed was pretty thick, we all had assumed it was a twig he had picked up. Guess he won't be doing that again. One of the aids fixed it up for him and he started playing wii. Half an hour later he was still saying sporadically. "Ow, my hand. I cut it." Ah, that boy. Another of his favorite sayings is, "Haha, sucks for you!" and "I'm gonna get in a fight at the park." and "I'm moving to Phoenix." (Which he never does. Shame).

Another of my favorites is an autistic girl who looooooovvvveeesss colors. When you wear the same color shirt she does, here's the response you get, "Gasp!... Gasp!... Blue!... We're the blue shirt girls!... Yes we are."

She loves her coffee too. "Do you want some coffee?"

"Gasp!" then very calmly, "yes."

"Do you wanna do a crossword puzzle?"

"Gasp!... yes."

"Do you want to help with the puzzle?"

"Gasp!... yes. On the white table? In the blue chair? Yes." "He's being silly in the blue chair. ... Yes he is. ... He does that. ... Yeah, he does that." Ah, precious, precious girl.

One kid forever gets on all the teachers' and the aides' nerves. "Sit down." "Let us handle that." "What did I just tell you?" "Don't talk when someone else is talking." "Please talk in a normal voice." "SIT." "SHH!" "SIT DOWN." "What did I JUST say?" It takes a lot of patience not to grind your teeth when you see him walk in the classroom.

One of my other favorites is a lower functioning girl who LOVES to sing. "Bad boys, bad boys..." and she wants you to finish it. She loves Backstreet Boys, Christmas and Broadway songs. "Hit the road Jack.... Hit the road firedrill... hit the road chair... hit the road (insert whatever she thinks of at that moment." "Can I have a scratch?" She loves being scratched. And the fair.

There really is a lot to love about these kids. They are sweet spirits and most of them are a shoo-in for the celestial kingdom. I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to work with these spunky hilarious kids.

Favorite moment of today. "Bye ______, have fun at math." WHAM! Down goes one chair. "Bye ______." WHAM! Down goes another. WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! He really didn't want to go to math. Luckily the kids had already cleared out. So, I ignored him. WHAM! One last chair before he left. Bye _____

A Little Different

I noticed that a few of my friends started out their most recent posts with apologies for neglecting their blogs. :) I understand as I have not been as attentive as I should to my own.

I am getting married in a day less than two weeks.

Answers to frequently asked questions:

Yes, I am crazy excited and a tiny bit nervous.

Yes, I realize it is a huge change and I am enormously excited to tackle the challenge. I love challenge because it means I get to grow and become better.

We are going to live where we are now because we both have jobs here.

The wedding plans are coming along just as they should and I have had very little stress to deal with (minus the initial not wanting to make decisions stress).

His father is officiating the ceremony as he is a Justice of the Peace.

We will be getting seal in the Draper Temple within the year.

He is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and I do love him more than life itself.

I am 21, he is 29. Nope, I don't think I'm too young and I don't think that is too big of an age gap.

We met through a mutual friend and just sparked it off a little while later.

I am getting married literally across the country because that is where his family is, and it is so much prettier in New York than it is in Arizona in the Fall.

Another change that has happened is that I'm an aunt! My younger brother has gone to college. My dear friend from college is getting married in a little more than a month. I found a job at the high school. I am more comfortable with myself now than I have ever been. My almost sister (we're practically family anyway) moved away to go to college two hours away, not too bad if you ask me. I will be moving out of my parent's house for the last time.

All of these changes are good and I am glad they are happening. I especially love my job even though it makes me grind my teeth and wish smacking were legal in schools. I tip my hat to all those who work with special education and thrive on it. You are amazing super humans and you are underappreciated. But that is a post for another time. I promise I will be better.