Saving the World

One thing not to put on your application for grad school or a job when you have a bachelors in psychology, "I want to help people." Even if it is true. How does that make you different from the other 20 billion people with psychology degrees?
But, the truth is, all I want to do, all I've ever wanted to do is help people. My personal goal every day is to leave the people I've come across a little happier, their world a little brighter, and their burdens a little lighter. I want to make people feel special, because they are. I want to be their friend, because they deserve a good friend. (Not saying I am a good friend, but I try). Not just a friend who tells you what you want to hear all the time, but a friend who will tell you you are being an utter fool when you NEED to hear it, who will let you take consequences for your mistakes because that is what is best for you. I want people to know how to find happiness because, as prideful as this may sound, there really is one way.
Think about it. When have you felt most happy? Truly happy? Not high, or drunk or lustful. When was the last time you felt truly happy, the kind of happiness that lasts? When did you feel best about yourself? Was it when you were with your family trying to do something for someone other than yourself? When you helped someone reach that goal they had been working so hard for, just because? When you did something nice, not because you got something out of it, but just because you could?
That is happiness. Lift up your head! Raise your voice! Help a weary soul find a little peace and rest. Get into the spirit of Christmas. Help the Savior save the world.

Reason, Season, Lifetime

Sorry I've been away for so long. I don't really have an excuse.
My Doctrine and Covenant class has us write what is called Scenario Papers where we use at least three scriptures from the D&C to answer personal questions from classmates. Today I chose to answer this one.

By January, two of my current roommates will have moved out (reasons: marriage and study abroad). They are some of my best friends and I'm really sad that I won't be living with them any more. How can I prepare myself for this huge change?

            Change is difficult for so many things. It almost always is good, especially when you trust in the Lord and look to him in every thought (Proverbs 3:6). I roomed with complete strangers this summer and by the end of our short two months together I had become closer friends with them than anyone else I’d ever roomed with. It broke my heart to see them go, I hate it when people I’m close to leave. The roommate I’d grown closest to had written down a poem she knew called, “Reason, Season and Lifetime.” It is an incredible poem and it opened my eyes. People who come into our lives for a Reason teach us a lesson and then are gone, not because we did anything wrong, but because that is how it was meant to be. “And how it was possible for him to preach to those spirits and perform the necessary labor among them in so short a time” (D&C 138:28). There are necessary labors for all of us to perform for others, and sometimes that is all that is required.

            Other people come into our lives for a Season, we learn more than one lesson from them and develop a great relationship. But, again, they leave without any wrong doing on our part. Sometimes it is to help us get through a hard time, or to teach us something that takes longer than a Reason. Always they make significant impact on our lives. It may seem trivial to ask the Lord for help when others leave our lives but according to the prophecy of Isaiah, “the Redeemer was anointed to bind up the broken-hearted” (D&C 138:42). Before this year I had never realized just how much the Atonement of Christ covers. It is infinite, I had always thought that meant it went forwards and backwards through time. Now my understanding has been expanded and I realized it covers everything infinitely, every hurt, every sorrow, every moment of loneliness, every tear, every disappointment, every sin, every mistake, every ill spoken word, every loss, everything. Even the heartache of losing those close to us for a short time, or for a very long time.

            Some people come into our lives for a Lifetime. Perhaps your roommates will be there for you for a lifetime. Just because people leave doesn't mean that we can’t reach out to them and stay in touch. I know it’s not the same, but life has many people who come to reach and teach us. There will be more who will help and build you up. That doesn't mean we forget the first, but we can and must allow others to come in. “But behold, from among the righteous, he organized his forces and appointed messengers, clothed with power and authority, and commissioned them to go forth and carry the light of the gospel to them that were in darkness, even to all the spirits of men” (D&C 138:30). Whether people come into my life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime, I do all I can to touch their lives and leave them with a little more light than I found them. It makes it easier to let them go, and I know I will see them again.

Writing this broke my heart a bit.

Here's the poem.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.  They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  They may seem like a godsend, and they are.  They are there for the reason you need them to be.  Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away.  Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.  What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled;  their work is done.  The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.  They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.  They may teach you something you have never done.  They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.  Believe it!  It is real!  But, only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.  Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);  and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.  It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

What's the Point?

"Being married won't make me happy. ... I once was happy but now I'm even more miserable. ... I tried, it didn't work. ... I don't want this. ... Socializing brings more pain. ... If I'd never asked her on that first date I wouldn't be hurting this much now. ... I don't see the point in reading my scriptures. ... Pain, suffering does cause us to grow. ... I don't want to grow. ... He doesn't want me to be happy. ... When I pray, I already know what he's going to say and I don't want to do it. ... I'm doing my calling even though I don't want it and I don't want to do it. ...I can find happiness in the gospel when I'm dead. ... I've already tried the best I can, I'm done. ... The more trying I do, the more socializing I have to do, the more pain I receive. ... I don't want to. ... I don't care if I'm happy or not. ...I always end up back here, unhappy."

     It breaks my heart when I hear this, and right now my roommate is having a conversation with her friend over Skype and he has said all of these things. It makes me want to weep. People who say this don't understand the true beauty of the gospel and the Atonement laid out in perfect and incredible simplicity. These words come from someone who is suffering from hurt and the desire to escape the pain that came from whatever trial had happened.
The truth is, they do care about being happy; if they didn't care if they were happy they wouldn't pull away and guard their hearts so ferociously. But, the tragic truth they are missing is, the more they pull away and cover their hearts, the worse they will feel. Yes, heartbreak is incredibly painful and that pain is real. Pain is real. People will hurt us and it can be very destructive. But, all these people can see is the pain that comes from interacting with others, perhaps that is all they have known. But, if they would just take a small leap of faith, they could see the reward that comes from serving others.
No matter where else they turn or whatever else they do to fill the hole in their heart, it will never completely heal unless they turn to the Lord and to serving their fellow man. And I think everyone knows this, deep down we all know that we cannot be truly happy unless we turn to the truth. We yearn to be with other people, to be accepted and loved, to be told that we are worth it, our souls resonate with the truths in the gospel. Something deep inside us tell us the truth that we don't always like to face. And nothing else we try will fill the void in our souls.
Take advantage of the gospel and the Atonement! I promise, I promise! You say you've already tried that, but if you truly had you would know that what you had thought before was the cry of a desperate pained soul. If you truly tried to access the Atonement you would have felt the incredible and overpowering pure love of Christ and Heavenly Father. Charity and service are the answer. Amazingly and seemingly contradictory, the more charity you give to others, the more you are filled. And with charity comes happiness. Remember that nothing is instant and if it is, it cannot make you happy. Life happens and pain exists. Push through it, don't ever give up. If you don't believe me try reading the Book of Mormon everyday, praying twice a day, going to church, and take advantage of the opportunities for service that come your way for 60 days. If you miss one, don't beat yourself up, just pick it up. And when you pray, pray as though you expect someone to hear and respond, because, if you do, someone will listen and He will respond. He always listens and He always responds, maybe not on your timing, but He always responds. Try it.

Messy

Dating is messy any way you slice it. It's like an ooey gooey piece of cake with caramel and chocolate sauce drizzled on top and you have to eat it with your hands. Depending on the slice, it might have a little too much baking power... Causing it to errupt in your mouth in a semi-unpleasant way. Or it might have too much salt... And be a little too off flavor. Sometimes it has to much flour and the other tastes don't show through because the cake is just too bland. Or it's too rich and you can't eat it all at once. Or maybe it's too crumbly and it's slipped through your fingers before you've even had a proper taste.The goal in scarfing down these decadent pieces of cake is not greed, but a hungering for the perfect piece where all the lumps were made smooth and the perfect amount of every ingredient has been mixed together.
I found a slice that seems to have been made by the world's most meticulous baker and I think I might have dropped it on the ground. In my defense, the previous piece seemed like perfection until I got to the middle and then it was like a mix of all the wrong, bitter, surprising flavors and I had to stop eating. So it is understandable that my hands are shaky and uncertain. I just hope that I can scoop it up and make it work, if not, well, then I've learned to be more confident in the slices I chose. I am learning to spot the choices slices and I'm getting better and better at it.
Ah cake. :)

Addictions, more than the physical.

Can you really be addicted to a song? I submit that you absolutely can. I love songs! But there is one song in particular that has caught my fancy and held me enthralled for most of the day.



Ok, so the video is really weird, but the music? Incredible, the melody? Enthralling, his voice? So hypnotic... Sigh, I am addicted to a song! I am ADDICTED TO A SONG!
Now all I need to do is get help for it....
But where do I even start????
P.S. I found this on Facebook, a friend shared it. I blame him for my obession. Yep, I am totally passing the buck. :)