The Hulk

We all know the Hulk has some serious issues. As Iron Man put it, he " lose[s] control and turn[s] into a big huge rage monster." Lately I've felt a little of the stress Dr. Bruce Banner must feel as he holds in his anger. I've never been truly angry for longer than day, ever. And now I find myself battling it almost every day. It's only natural since it's one of the cycles of grieving. It has been the hardest cycle for me because I have been working hard since I was little to control my anger and being angry for so long makes me a little sick. I don't like the feeling and I do all I can to avoid it. But avoiding it isn't healthy, I need to face my anger and let it run it's course. I cannot let it control me, but I must control it. I don't have to let it ruin my day but nor do I need to bury it where it springs up unexpectedly.
So, yes. I am angry, I am furious. I was humiliated and lied to and I have every right to be angry. I placed my entire being in the care of someone I thought I could trust and I was betrayed. But, I find it interesting that love and anger can coexist. I always assumed that if you were angry, you must not love the person you were angry with. I mean true anger, like wanting to physically harm angry. But you can, and I do, love the person you are angry with. Anger is a natural human emotion. It needs to run it's course without running over you. As long as you have Christ by your side and His love for that person in your heart then anger can be good. I choose to allow myself to be angry. I choose to keep it controlled because I do not wish to hurt the object of my anger. I choose to be healthy in my expression. And I choose to forgive. Time will heal my wounds and I will be whole again. I just need to be patient. I don't love you like I used to, but I do still love you, it's just completely differently now.