When I tell people that I have self-confidence issues I usually get some sort of reaction like this:
Just cuz I fake it really well. Ok, fine, it's not that I fake it really well, it's that I have no self confidence when it comes to people. And by that I mean, I know my worth insofar as the Lord is concerned and so, for the most part, I don't really care what people think of me. That is, until I start caring about them. Then I care what they think about me and then I start worrying and picking apart everything I do and I realize I do a lot of dumb things that people might not like and what if they don't like me when they get to know me and how long do I wait until I'm sure that the other shoe won't drop because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop even though I know that is irrational and I'm being a little silly and what if I don't tell him that I appreciate him enough because I do but I have this thing where I like to tease people because I don't want them knowing just how much I like them but what if they think I don't appreciate them or see them but what if I'm too honest.... It goes on and on and on. I hate it.
Sigh, one of these days I'll stop being so insecure. But now I have a boyfriend, so it's full tilt. ONWARD INSECURITIES! DROWN HER! RUIN IT ALL!
So, there's a boy... It's always a boy...
This particular boy is adorable, and funny, and always makes me laugh. Last week he invited me to do a movie night with him. I'm not even going to pretend like I wasn't freaking out, because I was. This little girl doesn't even begin to cover how excited I was.
During the week I would tell people I was watching a movie with a boy on Friday and they would inevitably ask, "Is it a date?" To which I would respond,
"How do you not know?"
"Well, there might be other people there, I just don't know! It doesn't matter! He INVITED me to a movie night!!!!!" And then I would gush about it for a while longer.
Friday night arrives and I am beyond excited. I go over to his apartment and it turns out there are other people, but do I mind? You got it, nope! Before the movie even starts the group is standing around in his kitchen and he keeps making eye contact with me and sharing little jokes and I'm just deliriously happy.
But, I also want to get this started and so does he, so he grabs the movie and goes into the living room and I follow him with the popcorn. There are two couches, a love seat and a three cushion couch. He plops down right smack in the middle of the 3 cushion couch and solves my problem of figuring out where to sit.
We looked a little like this couple and halfway through the movie I realize that I'm analyzing his every move trying to find some hidden message and I have to tell myself to STOP! I shifted positions and every time I did it took me closer to the edge of my cushion, but I never crossed over the line. The whole movie, whenever he shifted positions he stayed right smack dab in the middle of the cushion. I cursed the fact that everyone either wanted to be on the floor or the other couch. Why can't we all just pack in like sardines? It would be perfect!
The movie ends and he heads back into the back rooms of the apartment. Needless to say I was a lottle disappointed. Luckily the entire group except my best friend and me leave the apartment. I take my time gathering my things. Suddenly, my best friend points out his phone just sitting there on the couch. She and I have always been pranksters so we gather up his phone and start devising a plan of attack when we hear his voice in the kitchen. We immediately go to the door way trying our best to look like this:
but end up looking more like this:
He was immediately suspicious and I couldn't handle the pressure so I just held out his phone as I blurted, "We didn't have time." My friend cracks up laughing. The three of us chat for a couple more minute before she makes her way out and saying, "Come say goodbye before you leave." (She lives in the same complex he does).
Just how am I supposed to get him to walk me to my car a block away if I have to come visit you!?
The boy and I talked for a good half hour before he had yawned enough (twice, for the record), and I felt better for the awkward movie experience because we had been nonstop laughing for those thirty minutes, that I slowly said my goodbyes.
I ran over to my friends apartment and could only talk to her for a couple minutes before telling her of my foiled plans. She immediately grabbed my arm and dragged me back to his apartment before knocking on the door and walking away. It was torture standing there at his door for those 30 seconds. Then, his roommate answered and said, "Yes?" Really? I am NOT saying, "Oh, I just want your roommate to walk me to my car..." Instead, I replied, "Nothing,
" and ran screaming back to my friend's apartment. Yes, I did straight up scream in his face before I ran. Along the way I said out loud, "I hate you! I hate you!" My friend stood in her doorway waiting for me with the food I'd brought over earlier. She handed it to me and said, "Love you."
"No you don't!" I harrumphed, and I walked back past the boy's door. His roommate was still standing in the doorway and as I passed said, "What's up?"
"Nothing" I mumble. All the while making awkward squeaks and grunts from embarrassment.
"It'll be easier if you just start."
"Umm, squeak, grunt... Where's your roommate?"
"What?"
"Where's your roommate?" I hissed.
"Do you want me to get him?"
(:17will reveal exactly how I sounded)
I pulled a Fat Amy and he said, "Let me go get him."
I thought I was going to pass out. It took 2 whole minutes before the boy came to the door. Two whole minutes!!! The entirety of which I ran through possible explanations of why I had come back in my head and debated just leaving and never coming back... Ever.
Finally the boy appeared and the doorway with a quizzical brow and I blurted,
"I'll give you hummus if you walk me to my car so I don't get dismembered by Ted Bundy." Holding out my hummus to him like it's a gift to forgo my execution.
With no hesitation he said, "Deal, let me get my shoes." Woah, really? Just like that? Ok... Ok... I can do this.
When he got back I pointed out his spider friend just making a web on the railing just outside the door before we headed off to my car. The entire time both of us were just going off each other back and forth and he had the cutest grin on his face and I'm sure I looked like this:
We finally got to my car and I gave over the promised hummus. We talked for a little while longer and said a slightly awkward goodbye. I didn't know if I should hug him or not so I just said, "Bye, thank you for walking me to my car. Don't die."
"I'll say hello to Ted Bundy for you."
"Haha" and turned around and opened my car. Then I got in and had some serious words with myself, mostly about how ridiculous and awkward that was. But really, could it have been any more awkward? Or perfect?
I wish I knew. My roommate has been having a rough go of life. I want to take away her pain and her loneliness. But, I know my other rommie is right, she is now in a place where only she can help herself. And she will probably struggle for the rest of her life.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, life is a balancing act. Too much of anything is bad, moderation is good. Often, we human beings go from one extreme to the other and we can't seem to find the safe middle of the seesaw. We got on at one end and thunk to the ground. So, we get up and run to the other end only to be bucked off.
Some few of us immediately figure out that we need to stand in the middle to be safe from hurt. Most of us will go back to the other extreme, not as far though. And so we go from one end to the other, each time a little less farther out. Finally, we find the middle and, hopefully, stay there. Some of us just keep going from one extreme to the other trying to figure it out.
The Savior understands the seesaw differently. He invites other to come sit with him and enjoy the seesaw. He will often come sit with us and helps us figure out how to obtain balance with the skills we are given. He encourages us to invite others to join us. And we in turn help them find the balance in their own lives.
So many times I forget that happiness comes from helping others and focusing on their happiness. It's really funny, we can't be happy until we focus on helping others to be happy. The more we focus on ourselves, the more miserable and unhappy we become. Playing on a seesaw is less fun when you try on your own. You can't reach the full heights as you can when someone else plays with you.
I wish I could help her see this, but she is too buried in her pain and resigned to feeling nothing to avoid pain. I cannot bring her out. I just hope she will bring herself out soon and take joy in the beautiful things around her.
One of my friends invited me to participate in a reading of essays. The essays were to be written by ourselves and on this topic.
["What makes life hard for you?"
The essay does not have to be eloquent or well-written or polished. The requirement is that it must be honest and real. It must address what really makes life hard for you, even if it is embarrassing or shameful or stupid or seemingly trivial. Maybe acne affects your self-esteem or you have a strained relationship with your mom, or you feel you don't have real friends, or you struggle with homo-sexuality, or you're going through a rough break up, or you deal with depression, or you're always struggling to have enough money, or you lack motivation. Maybe you stress because or your lack of dating experience and seriously doubt if you will ever get married. Maybe you're overly shy. Maybe you have health problems. Maybe you're too concerned what others think about you. Maybe you have a crush on someone that won't reciprocate. Maybe you feel no one ever understands you. Or maybe life is great and the only thing you can truly think of is how annoying your one roommate is. That's just fine.
It doesn't matter what it is as long as it makes life hard for YOU. It doesn't matter if it's boring as long as it's honest. The length of the essay is up to you.
Everybody has something that makes their life harder. Even if you have an easy life, there are things that make it relatively harder.]
I wrote my essay and I thought I would share it here.
{What makes life hard for me? I do. It wasn't until recently that I realized I am truly my own worst enemy. Ever since I was a child I haven't exactly been the popular one, though a lot of my friends were. In high school I could count on one hand the number of dates I went on and my first one wasn't until I was 18. Parents, teachers, adults, other girls, and my friends always told me how awesome I was and how beautiful I was and how any guy would be lucky to have me. I would think, "Great! Are you going to tell the boys that? Because I'm pretty sure they haven't had that news flash yet." It was frustrating to me, but even more frustrating and painful was the slow but steady disappearance of my best friends.
It started when my best friend told me to eat lunch with someone else because she was going to make friends with some other people and I would just get in the way. Then my other best friend who was like a sister to me moved away. Then others moved away and still others simply left me. It seemed like I was the girl everyone loved and no one liked. I was not anyone's best friend any more except the girl miles away. I didn't know it then but the seeds had been planted and I was steadily becoming more and more my own enemy.
Though my thoughts were never cruel or harsh I began to think that I was not worth loving and that everyone left because I just wasn't important to them and I never would be, there would always be someone better to take my place. Many times I sabotaged a relationship because I was so sure it would fail in the end anyway, so why go through the pain?
This continued until I met a boy. A beautiful, amazing, perfect, kind, loving boy who made me feel important and special. Who taught me to respect myself and who put me first. I was important, I was the most important thing in his life. And slowly, I began to believe it, I was the happiest girl in the world and I fell in love. Many times he was very patient and loving with me as I waited for the other shoe to drop and for him to leave me too, after all, everyone else had. He convinced me how foolish this thinking was because he loved me and would never leave me. This boy, who was already a dry Mormon and a better one than many I knew, was baptized and soon after asked for my hand in marriage. I couldn't believe it, it was too good to be true. We decided to work toward the temple as husband and wife and so we were civilly married back by his family. I couldn't remember a time when I was so happy. But things changed very quickly and I was no longer ecstatically happy, I had to work hard to be happy. The boy I loved had changed and began to treat me differently. He constantly sent little digs to tear away my self-esteem.
One night I confided in him my fear of those closest to me leaving or hurting me. Soon after the change was so drastic and it was so obvious that he didn't want anything to do with me that I confronted him. He told me it wasn't my fault, it was his and refused to try to let me help him or let us seek help from someone else. A week later we decided to divorce and I filed the paperwork. Two months later when I was suppose to submit the last bit of paperwork I went back and asked to try again. In less than an hour he told me I was not worth fighting for and that he'd already been there, done that. I left broken, hurt, angry, and once again proven right that I really was unlovable, that this was all my fault, and that I would never find anyone willing to love me. My best friend was now on her mission and my other best friend was leaving for her mission the next day, I would be left alone which was exactly what I deserved.
My mother and many other people tried to convince me that it wasn't entirely my fault, it takes two to make a relationship work, but one to let it fall apart. Sure, I had contributed in some way to its demise, but I had done all I could to make it work. It didn't matter what they said, I knew I was to blame and I knew I would never find someone else to truly love me.
Finally, I read a book that opened my eyes. I am lovable, I deserve happiness, I cannot let myself defeat me, it was not my fault. I hadn't loved myself, and I needed to repair that broken relationship that colored my memories and experiences. I deserve to be loved by me. I know this on a mental level and some day I will know it on an emotional level. But I will never stop trying. I will learn to truly love myself, I've already started and I will never stop trying my entire life. I will have days when I get down on myself and I wonder what I've done to push others away and make them stop loving me, but I won't let those days defeat me. Because the truth is, I am lovable, and I am worth more than even I can imagine. I deserve happiness not matter what anyone, including and especially myself, says. I am a Child of God and for the first time I truly understand what that is worth.
I am horrible at keeping journals, the best I've done is the past five months in one journal. I was pretty consistent and now, I just don't really remember... Or I don't have much to write about. Same holds true with my blog here. Or, the things I want to write about are just too personal to post online but I'm so busy throughout the day that I forget to write them down before I pass out on my pillow. I try to keep myself busy because it keeps me from thinking. Luckily I've been pretty successful. I mostly just can't wait until I get back to BYU and out of Kingman. It will be so much better.
Funny how after my last post I just had a miscommunication, one that made no sense to me. Only this one made me upset and I got offended to boot! I hate days like this where I can't take any kind of criticism or rudeness without wanting to bite someone's head off. It is not the natural me, but I guess that is just what happens when you feel low in spirits. Everyone has those days, everyone. I'm allowed to as well. Silly though, I always feel guilty later. Bleeeehhhhhhhhh.
But seriously, who says they would like a ride down to Vegas with a complete stranger and expects them to find room and board for them? I just wanted a ride to Vegas so I could go home. I do NOT need you to find me a hotel. Seriously?
Didn't help my day, nor did that stupid work computer acting all uppity in my face. I really like technology that does exactly what I tell it to and no more. NO MORE!!!!! I don't like the technology that decides to be a brat. Speaking of which... Anyway.
On a happy note... Mark made a really delicious and filling dinner for dinner group. Thank you dinner group for being a bright light at the end of my day. And Bryan, always being a bright light in my life.
Katherine asked me if I wanted to go to a concert last night. Sure, why not, I wasn't doing anything else. Little did either of us know the night would be filled with awkward amusement...
The concert was held in the Tanner Building with the choirs singing on the stairs. As you can see there were lots and lots of people.
So Katherine and I decided to take the elevator rather than force our way through the myriad of humans cluttering the stairs. I don't like elevators, I never really have, they make me sick. So, I got in and struck a pose, basically like I was guarding the elevator from people attempting to enter it. It kind of helped my elevator sickness, but to be honest, I just felt like being awkward.
We exited one floor below the entrance, noted that there were no seats and made our way back to the elevator. One girl entered it with us and was kind enough to allow me to leap onto the elevator and resume my pose until we reached the next floor.
Not much luck on this floor either, silly people who save seat they aren't even close too... But we made our way from the stairs to the open space and into the hall. I was feeling restless... Never a good sign.
After hearing that the boy Katherine was admiring was an organ major I attempted a tongue roll, (rrrrrr) but it came out rather pathetic so I did it again with a great deal of success. Then I was reenacting the first tongue roll, holding it out for a while. Long enough for one of the boys in front of me to turn slightly, make eye contact, and give me a "you-are-slightly-amusing-weirdo" smile. I promptly gave him my "you-caught-me-being-an-idiot" smile in return until he resumed facing forward. Katherine meanwhile was busting a gut beside me, not helping my image one bit. Whaddyado?
Then I saw this girl taking a picture of her friend and noticed the camera angle was really wide so I lept into the picture frame and made a grotesque face. The girl immediately started cracking up and she showed her friend the picture. When her friend turned around it was none other than our elevator buddy! They laughed for a very long time until Elevator Buddy came out and explained that she had told her friend to take a discrete picture of me because she liked my hair. Glad that worked out.
Shortly after this lovely incident a boy came and stood directly between me and the choir. How rude! Katherine suggested I cough very loudly. So I did, I was hoping it would be more natural sounding than it was... He didn't move. So I coughed again, again trying for the natural sound. Fail. He noticed this time and with a very concerned look on his face moved to the side. Katherine lost all composure. I lost it when I heard her laughing. The boy apologized and I just laughed even harder.
It was at this point in time we left the concert because we couldn't see. Well, that was one reason. Here is a picture of us on the way out. I couldn't for the life of me get her to smile naturally.
So people are posting one of these a day for 30 days. But, I'm impatient... So I'll just give it to you all at once!
Day 1 - 5 Things about me no one knows:
1. I used to be a very insecure person with a very bold personality.
2. When I was a child I used to get a thrill from stealing candy from my family and not getting caught.
3. I am actually afraid of a good deal of things. I just never let anyone see.
4. I still wish vampires were real.
5. I face away from the shower head so I can see the door and make sure no one walks in on me.
Day 2 - A picture of you last year and now and how you have changed since then
Halloween last yearAfterChristmas shopping
Hmmm, still have a flare for the theatrical.... Perhaps a little less dramatic though. My hair is no longer black. I have matured and expanded my view. Spending 9 months at home serving other people does that to you. Day 3 - A favorite photo:
look at us awesome creepers
Day 4 - Something I crave: books, Salt & Vinegar Chips, friendship, excitement Day 5 - Top 10 pet peeves:
1. condescension (I will mentally mock you)
2. telling me what to think
3. telling others what to think
4. that snorting noise when someone clears their nose (not nose blowing though)
5. someone else eating my food without my permision
6. people who slack off at work
7. treating me like a child
8. video games
9. talking more than the teacher
10. freaking out aboutsmall stuff
Day 6 - Something I bought recently: fruit loops, salt water taffy; clementines; fruit snacks Day 7 - Something I want to buy:a brightly colored motorcycle Day 8 - A favorite song: Any song my man sends me currently "Make You Feel My Love" by Adele Day 9 - A favorite movie: Inception; Ever After Day 10 - A favorite food: Beef Stroganoff Day 11 - A favorite book: The Morning Gift by Eva Ibbotson Day 12 - A favorite quote: Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive. Day 13 - What did you do today??: Went to the temple, auditioned for a play, homework Day 14 - Your dream house...: A small yet elegant home. Red brick with wood trimming, a basement, a turret, and a floor to ceiling library for me to store my books. And a quaint garden out back. But really, any place with my family and my love. Day 15 - Next 3 on “Bucket List”: wing suit diving, hunting, live 1yr or 6mo in Austraila, Ireland or Scottland. Day 16 - A photo of my family:
Day 17 - A habit you wish you didn't have: eating while I read. It will most likely lead to an exponential gain in weight when my metabolism slows down. Granted it has already done so. Thank heavens for yoga and a HUGE campus. Day 18 - Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up:
1.Make You Feel My Love - Adele
2. Nintey and Nine - Michael McLean
3. Don't forget my Unicorn - Irish Rovers
4. Stay Beautiful - Taylor Swift
5. Which Part is Mine - Michael McLean
6. The Saltwater Room - Owl City
7. Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert
8. Black & Gold- Sam Sparrow
9. Sunray Smile - Amber Van Vleet
10. Vincent - Josh Groban
Day 19 - A hobby of mine: trying new random things Day 20 - A favorite recipe: cheesy chicken and potato with mushrooms Day 21 - Nicknames I have, and why I have them...:
Bad T - I was an amazing badminton player once upon a time
Tigger - I have a tiggerish personality
Babybot - My older brother was Tigerbot
Teags - It sounds cool
Tegan the Vegan - it helps people remember my name
Tegelstien - Ask Ali on that one
Teggles - Not sure
Penguin - :)
Love - :)
Day 22 - A favorite Youtube video: Kids History (Don't punch... ... our car) Day 23 - A travel story: On the way to Bullhead the ten people in my car agreed that it should become a party wagon with neon lights a disco ball and a bed and we could call it the shaggin wagon... I secretly vetoed that idea, except the neon lights and disco ball Day 24 - Something that makes you feel better... : The words "I love you." spoken to me with absolute sincerity and feeling. Food, food is always a happy thing. The temple. My best friends, yes I have 2, so sue me. Day 25 A funny (true) story: My life. :) I spent the first hour of the 2011 New Year in a car with broken doors that had to be held closed. I also broke the passenger side door handle, well, actually it didn't break, it s h a t t e r e d in my hands. And me, being me, laughed really hard because it was funny and I was nervous. Day 26 - A child I love: I have to pick one? Kelly, Cody, Chase, and Rachel (all adorable children) Day 27 - A place I love: BYU, the mountains Day 28 - A person I love: brYan Day 29 - Testimony: I know the gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true, Joseph Smith is a true prophet. The Book of Mormon is the word of God. Thomas S. Monson is the prophet of God on the earth today. My Heavenly Father loves me. Jesus Christ died for my sins. Day 30 - Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days: Finish as much school as possible, maybe even graduate next April. Possibly buy a car. Hold my nephew in my arms. Meet my boyfriend's family. Finish at least one of the many stories I've started. Share the gospel as much as possible even though I am not going on a mission. Continue loving myfavorite person and best friend.
(Random insertion that has nothing to do with this particular post: The other night I had a dream that a rude boy burped in my face. Fine, I can handle that, so I burped ten times better and it was a long drawn out burp... until he punched me in the throat. Jerk.)
Thank you, for trying to make my life better and ended my pitiful existence as a single girl. Thank you for trying to find mister wonderful and dumping him in my lap (shouldn't it be the other way around?) Thank you for deciding what I cannot decide for myself.
Recently everyone I know has been pushing for me to date a certain someone in my singles' group.
"Tegan, you know who you should ask on a date?"(No, but I bet you're gonna tell me) "Oh Tegan, you would be such a cute couple!"(O, you think so?) "Tegan, I know the perfect man for you!" (Really,... really) NO, you DON'T. You know one of the few eligible bachelors in Kingman. There are roughly 8. Yes, he is cute, yes, he is a nice guy, yes, we did go on a few dates a couple years back. NO I am not interested and NO I don't think he is the perfect man for me. THANK YOU very much.
And why do I have to be the one to do the asking? (You asked)
I'll tell you why, because he is too shy to ask me himself, or he tries to get me to do something and then never mentions it again, or his friend sets us up and he cancels at the last minute and his friend has to be the one to tell me. That is the kind of guys people want to set me up with. Seriously, phrase I hear constantly "he doesn't go on very many dates." or "He's a little shy around girls..." Then WHY for the love of salt and vinegar chips am I a good match for him? What does that say about ME?
I don't want to wear the pants in the relationship, thank you very much.
So, I know you are only trying to help me, but please, if I want to date someone that I see on a regular basis, I will do so. I've done it before. I know you love me and only want my best interest, but please, if I know him better than you do, do not try to set me up with him. Stop being a goey chocolate cookie, or this crevice in my arm, or an old sponge with hair on it. I love you, don't change that.
I read a journal entry from one of the first days I had come home from Provo. Needless to say I did not appreciate being pulled away from P-town back to a podunk little town full of hill-billies. I couldn't understand why I was being pulled back here, to a place where culture curls up and dies. I didn't want to get to know the people who spent their time here, pathetic that anyone would spend their time here. I couldn't stand even being in the same room with some of the people. I deemed them uninteresting and probably unable to hold intelligent conversation.
I am ashamed to admit that these actually were the thoughts passing through my brain. My journal attests to it. How selfish and closed minded I had been. I needed to come back to Kingman so I could be cleansed of my proud and haughty attitude. It happened gradually. People I knew and enjoyed being around came back from college and I dropped my hostile attitude. I began to get to know the ones who were already here and found my judgments completely off base. I found my heart opening and shedding the layers of bitterness, and I learned more about my self in three weeks then I ever have my entire life.
I owe a lot of my growth to my extremely amazing friends and their loving examples to me. Their eagerness to meet and like everyone.
I owe a lot of my growth to the job I finally found after three weeks of searching. Selling Cutco has made me into a better person then ever before. I can now connect with people I've never met, I have learned a very important rule (never judge a person based on their appearances, for often, those who look like they can't are your best customers), I have learned what I am willing and unwilling to do, and I have learned many principles that apply to much, much more than selling kitchenware. As odd as this sounds, this job finally opened my eyes so I could see the life long dream I've always had.
I am incredibly grateful to the Lord for his wisdom in sending me back to my hometown to learn lessons that are not taught in college lectures. Humility being the first, and the greatest lesson I have learned and continue to learn this summer.
Sunday I was sitting in church during sacrament meeting with Kelly (the second counselor's very precocious(yeah I did just use that word)three year old daughter) on my lap and one friend on either side. Trying to pay attention to the speakers amidst Kelly's chatter to us all in turn. She had just settled for a bit and gone quiet when all of us heard a faint whooshing noise. I froze and Katherine and Sam looked at each other and then we all burst into stifled laughter. Kelly was innocently oblivious and simply continued her coloring. I tried my hardest to control it but... I had just been on the receiving end of Kelly's fart, I think I'm allowed to laugh aloud as reverently as possible. Her father looked at us all and we were finally able to calm down. Oh, Kelly, dear, dear Kelly, thank you for your gift.
What is it that creates awkward situations? What makes us feel awkward? Perhaps it's a mixture of feelings.
When walking in on a couple being romantic with one another, why should we feel awkward? Perhaps because we are being forced to share the love they have for one another. Perhaps because that situation is a private one and when we walk in on it, it is no longer private.
When conversing, and there are pauses or we just simply feel awkward, why?
Perhaps there are awkward pauses where we simply don't want to open up to a stranger, or even a friend. For myself I feel awkward when I feel like the person I'm conversing with is pushing me for information about myself that I just don't want to give.
Hopefully I will be able to make you laugh........ if you don't laugh you must either a) be a robot and should probably get that checked out; b) not have the same sense of humor that I have (definitely get thatchecked out); c) be a relative ofScrooge (which means you should learn from his experience... don't make the ghosts come after you too) In the HFAC (oh how I love the HFAC) at nine in the morning I said this exact phrase is shocked surprise,"Son of Mother!" The girl in the elevator, whom I noticed only after this outburst, stared at me for bit... Perhaps I shouldn't have said it but, there was a MONSTER in the elevator!!!!! Okay, it was made out of fabric,lightbulbs and paper mache. It is hideous!
I fully expected to be devoured by it when the girl exited a floor before I did. Luckily nothing happened any of the four times I passed by it....creep. Click HERE to see a funny monster prank.
Today I signed up to help paint hat bills ( the part of the ball cap that shades the eyes). Blue. All was going well until I tipped over my cup of water (colored blue due to the many times I dipped my paintbrush) and spilled it on the yellow felt M's. I started hopping up and down and crying "Oh! Oh! Oh No! Oh!"and grabbingM's to stick on my arms out of reach of the blue wave descending upon it. Sadly not one was saved, even more sadly, no one noticed my frantic cries until it was too late. Saddest, they were not even a foot away from me! I felt horrible. But, we finished the hats! :) Yay us... Sorry about the M's Janet...
(Side note... Janet has one of the salon type hair dryers in her room. We put the hats in the chair and turned on the hair dryer machine. Janet, you're a genius!)
Have you ever done the trick where you bend over and pick up a chair? Your back has to be straight and you are basically trying to make yourself a table. Your legs must be directly under your hips and you should have your head touching the wall in front of you. Now extend your arms and pick up the chair with you have hitherforeto placed between yourself and the wall. Now, with chair in hand stand up. Do this in mixed company. (meaning males and females) So funny. Report back to me. If nothing happens out of the ordinary... don't tell anyone I told you to do it. Hopefully you get a few good laughs over it. HERE is what is supposed to happen.
After explaining the trick and why it works the way it works to one of my friends he said, "I have neither the hips nor the brawn." But what I thought he said was, "I have neither the hips nor the bra on." I just about died laughing and he had no idea why. Oh sir, you are so funny!
Imagine this: Two sympathetic pukers in a room together. One of them vomits.... can you imagine the rest? *Hint: Bleh,bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh. Too bad people can't be sympathetic snorters. (the "tehehehe*snort*" kind not the "line 'em up kind")
Fun trick: Wear a backpack (BAHAHAHA)just kidding the trick isn't over yet. Hunch over like a little old lady, bowl your legs, grasp an invisible cane in front of you and chase your friend down the sidewalk. Report back to me on the reactions you get. It works best if you yell, "Wait! Wait little girl (or boy)! I've got candy!"
Hopefully somewhere in this jumbled madness I call a blog post I have made you laugh. If not, remember it's not too late... You can still be saved. Consult with a professional now!
Yesterday Ian and I started our routine of running every other day. Needless to say I thought I was going to die after four minutes of hardly strenuous exercise. Yes, I do know that I'm pathetic and incredibly out of shape. It was awesome though, I kept running, at points it was minimal movement but I was still kind of jogging. It felt like a vice had crushed my chest and only the tiniest amount of air was getting through. I was supposed to meet Ali at the HFAC so we ran and ended there.
I met Ali and tried my best to calm my breathing but I began freaking out. Ali told me to stop freaking myself out and told me it was mostly mental. I listened to her and battled my rising panic at my lack of breath. I started hyperventilating but managed to get back under control. Ali talked to me the whole way home, taking my mind off my pain and I found it easier to breathe. Thank you so much Ali for saving my life, or at least my sanity.
The rest of the day, and even now my breathing is like that of a chronic smoker and when I laugh it deteriorates into a hacking sickly cough. So depressing.
Seven Peaks had free ice skating for those students in the Honors Program and their friends and I was invited by a friend to come along. A whole group of us went and had a ball! I saw a boy with a name tag and I called out to him.
"Hello Mike B." I smiled and waved and he looked at me like am-I-supposed-to-know-you?
"Hi, How are you?"
"I'm great how are you?" At this point I realized that he thought I knew him. That's when I couldn't refrain myself.
"I'm doing great."
"It's been forever since I've seen you." I was struggling to not laugh
"Yeah. What have you been up to?" I could tell he was trying to figure out where he knew me from.
"I've just been going to school, you know the regular stuff. What about you?"
"Yeah, just been doing the school stuff. What are you majoring in?"
Needless to say we had a great conversation. My group was moving on so I ended with
"It was great to see you again!"
"It was great to see you too." I guess he forgot that he was wearing a name tag. :)
He found me later and introduced me to his friend, trying to get his friend to figure out my name. I laughed and apologized for not knowing him. They both laughed and his friend asked how I knew his name. I pointed to his name tag. We became friends. Mike B. gave me the B. part of his name tag so that I could have a name. Good times, good times.
You know you must be doing something when the second counselor in the Bishopric's wife wants to set you up with the second counselor's best friend. Whether it's something right or they just think you suck at dating... Whatever the case I did something and Bro. Anderson asked if it would be okay to set me up with his friend Kevin. Kevin called and set up a date for Saturday night at six. Six rolled around and I was the only one home. None of my roommates were here to make meeting a stranger any less awkward. He shook my hand at the door and then we walked down to his car. Goodwood barbecue had the good fortune to have our presence where we talked for an hour and a half. Then we went bowling where I played better than I ever have before but I still got my trash kicked. 99 to 126. Ouch, yeah.
Blind dates are fun because you don't have any expectations to live up to. You don't know them, they don't know you. You could be anyone you want! Yourself is usually the best option but... ya know... No one says you have to be yourself.... :)
So, Katherine and I being our usual happy go lucky selves remembered a funny thing we had done last year. We pushed whoppers into our mouths to look like goats. I even got the nickname "Tegan the Llama." Just picture a mix between Cindy Lou Who and the monkeys from Planet of the Apes. Jared looked a LOT like the Planet of the Apes monkeys. Apes. Primate animals... whatever... Joe's was hilarious, and Katherine is an amazing monkey. Warning: it hurts!
We got home from our lovely excursion kind of hyper. We both got ready for bed in tank tops and joked about walking into the front room where Madison and her boyfriend, Brandon, were watching tv. I did walk out to get a drink and Katherine closed the vanity door on me and braced herself against the door. I called her a dirtbag and pushed against the door to get back in. I really didn't want anyone to see me, you'd think I wouldn't have made such a hullaballo about it, and finally forced my way back into the vanity area with my drink.
I was sipping daintily from my cup when Katherine made a face and a funny noise. I choked, snorted, and spat out the milk in my mouth and fell on the floor laughing/dying from milk inhalation. It was a really funny face.
Then Liza opened her bedroom door and very timidly asked us to be quieter. We apologized and turned down the laughing dial. Oops! Sorry Liza! Then I burped really loud. Katherine chimed out, "Excuse me." And Madison laughed, "Whoa, Katherine." Way to claim my awesomely loud belch.
Do you ever have a day where you feel like you don't fit in, no matter how hard you try? I always feel guilty about it because I know it's my fault mostly, I just need to get over it. I had a night like that last night. I went over and hung out with quite a few of my favorite people and yet in each place I felt a little out of place. Interestingly enough at the second 'house' (apartment) I didn't feel out of place until one of the roommates came home. Who knew a friend of mine could make me, the queen of making others feel awkward, feel out of place and awkward. Evidence right there, my friends, that I do indeed feel awkward at times, ya just have to know the right buttons to push.
The third place I just wanted to pop in and say hi before I went home to relax and do homework, but they asked me to stay so I did. I didn't feel awkward until I got a compliment. How weird is that? Actually the compliment upset me a bit too. The reason being that the compliment was given to me through a third party. Sigh.
I love Michael Buble (pronounced bubble, just like the round circles you pop.) (: just kidding I know how it's actually pronounced. Don't worry I do have some culture.
Also Hot Rod is the most amazing random mockery movies I have ever seen! I loved it!
There is your random post. Not quite as random as I think it should be but don't worry, there will be more to come.
