Insecurities

When I tell people that I have self-confidence issues I usually get some sort of reaction like this:

Just cuz I fake it really well. Ok, fine, it's not that I fake it really well, it's that I have no self confidence when it comes to people. And by that I mean, I know my worth insofar as the Lord is concerned and so, for the most part, I don't really care what people think of me. That is, until I start caring about them. Then I care what they think about me and then I start worrying and picking apart everything I do and I realize I do a lot of dumb things that people might not like and what if they don't like me when they get to know me and how long do I wait until I'm sure that the other shoe won't drop because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop even though I know that is irrational and I'm being a little silly and what if I don't tell him that I appreciate him enough because I do but I have this thing where I like to tease people because I don't want them knowing just how much I like them but what if they think I don't appreciate them or see them but what if I'm too honest.... It goes on and on and on. I hate it. 

Sigh, one of these days I'll stop being so insecure. But now I have a boyfriend, so it's full tilt. ONWARD INSECURITIES! DROWN HER! RUIN IT ALL!

Well, I refuse to let you. So there.

Keepers of the Wild

I thought we were going to a service project, planting trees at the Keepers of the Wild Preserve.

Bryan picked me up at eight am in his work clothes and told me we had to stop by his house to pick up the water jug and meet the others. We parked outside his door and he told me he wouldn't be long so I could wait in the truck. Ten minutes passed and then he called me and asked me to help him in the kitchen. Luckily for him I actually heard his phone call, that could have really messed with him.

I walked in to see him dressed in a shirt and tie. I was taken aback but I knew immediately what was happening. He sat me down on the couch and told me I could not interrupt him, so I sat and looked up at him.

"It's hard for a man to shop for a ring, so I have the empty ring box but you'll have to wait for the ring." I was confused but as promised I did not interrupt.

"Now, I'm going to give you five things to show you how much I love you. The first is a hug." He pulled me up from the couch and hugged me. "The next is a kiss." Which he gave me. "The next is flowers." He pulled them from behind the couch and handed me these beautiful babies.

"The next is a card. Let me know when you finish it." He handed it to me and I admit I cried a bit when I read the card. He'd been telling me about a card he'd found and planned on saving for the girl he proposed to.

"The next is a book."

"It has the seven novels of Jane Austen and I wrote something even better in the book." He handed it to me and I stared at it in my hands and looked up at him, "Can I read it now?" He chuckled, "Yes." I opened it to find this:

I could do nothing more than stare at it and cry. He knelt down and picking up the ring asked me "Will you marry me?" All I could manage even though I wanted to give some smart alec response was, "YES!"

We didn't end up going to Keepers of the Wild, but I don't really mind that much.

At Long Last

BEST WEEKEND EVER!!!!!

I know I say that all the time but seriously, the best weekend! Bryan was baptized On Saturday May 21, 2011 at 9:00AM in the Rutherford Church, Kingman, AZ by Michael Gibelyou. Such a happy day and one that will hold a special place in my heart for the rest of time. I always knew it was going to happen but it is so wonderful that it finally arrived.

Jordan Grimmer gave the talk on baptism and did a splendid job. My phone went off (to a really annoying ring tone), much to my embarrassment... Opps. It was my calendar telling me Bryan was getting baptized. Like I didn't know or would ever forget. My father baptized him, gently. And Brett Hale gave the talk on the Holy Ghost. Brett, Grimmer, myself, Jesse and Maddi Peterson, and Katherine Welch sang the Armies of Helamen/Sisters in Zion medley and it was beautiful. Then Bishop Miller welcomed him to the ward and the meeting ended. There was a wide variety of ages and people attending. There were children from his classes with their parents, some people from his ward, his friends from Young Single Adults, his friends from Utah (Grimmer, Katherine and me), his friends outside the church, and my family. Bryan has support from so many different people because he touches the lives of so many people and always for the better.

Bryan with the missionaries.

Elder Berryhill, Elder Lindsey, Dad, Bryan, Me, Brett

It has been a while coming and Bryan was a dry member anyway. It was so surreal to me because it didn't feel like it was necessary. But I can truly say I've seen a change for the better in Bryan since the beginning of his trip down this road. He is changed and has become an even better man than I have ever known. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. One fish in the sea.

Sunday He was confirmed in a scorching meeting room where I almost passed out, I swear! And then during priesthood meeting that same day he was ordained a priest. If that isn't testimony enough to the character of this man I don't know what is.

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!

Thanks for the adventure Babe, You are my favorite.

Four Months

Four months to the day I've been dating my best friend. A complete goof ball with awesome knowledge about how to show a girl a good time. And how to complete drive her crazy. Four months of sharing secrets and jokes and time. Four of the happiest months of my life where I finally let someone in to share my life and myself. Where I finally felt like I was home. Four months of laughter and tears, stress and weightlessness. Four months of learning more about myself than I ever have before, and about everyone else around me. Four months of kissing, cuddling, holding hands, and sharing in each other's presence. Granted we only saw each other 5 times out the of the four months, but it was a lot more than I'd ever done before. And it has been a glorious four months.

Valentine's

Day of love, laughter, and stealing juice from the neighboring party.

So my ward had an awesome Valentine's partly last night that was filled with frosting cookies, making valentines, decorating bags, and picture booths. The weather was nice so I decided to forgo wearing a jacket and putting on real shoes. Instead I wore my mismatching Pirates of the Carribean socks and two different colored flip-flops. Needless to say I was not the height of fashion, though I did wear my "LOVE" shirt! Yay!

My bag died a little. The first one I made had m&ms glued on it but they melted all over the bag, some sort of chemical reaction from the candy coating and the sparkly glue. So I tossed it and made a cuter one with pretty paper on it.

Here's the cookie I decorated. Isn't it lovely? Yes I know, thank you.

I didn't win the cookie decorating contest but the cookies that did are very cute. Congrats girls! There was a neighboring dance party that was pumping their music and Emily and I couldn't help but dance it up a couple times. The photo booth was fantastic though, Emily and I are pro at taking awesome pictures. Don't believe me? Check it out here. Here are just a few of the really cool people at the party. Can you spot Mark in the background?

There were some very adorable drawing on the board so of course I had to add to them.

At last the party drew to a close and Em and I found ourselves very thirsty and the juices from next door calling out to us. We had a ton of cupcakes left over from our party that she had made so we devised a plan to trade the cupcakes for juice. Not so sneakily we placed the cupcakes on the table and snatched a half drunken bottle of cranberry juice. We made an immediate dash for the door and heard a man call out behind us.

"HEY!" After my heart skipping a few beats and collapsing into a fit of giddy giggles with Em we found out it was only Devin, a boy from our ward. We swiped some cups from the Cougareat each (Emily, Mark, Devin, and I) drank some of the juice, were reminded that cranberry juice is bitter and carried the rest of the bottle home with us. Who puts cranberry juice out at a dance? No wonder it was only half empty while all the other juices were gone.

Upon reaching home Emily and I decided to ditch the bottle. Bridget was home from her date so she came with us. We left the 1/4 full bottle on a doorstep, knocked and scattered. No one answered even though the blinds were open and we could clearly see the boy sitting on the couch through the open blinds. So I ran down and knocked again, pounded really, and dashed back upstairs. The boy came to the door and stared at the bottle of Cranberry juice (which I should add, didn't have a lid because we were in too much of a hurry to search the table for it's lid) for at least a full minute. Then he took it inside with him.

Good times, good times.

Crabby Patties... Anyone?

Funny how after my last post I just had a miscommunication, one that made no sense to me. Only this one made me upset and I got offended to boot! I hate days like this where I can't take any kind of criticism or rudeness without wanting to bite someone's head off. It is not the natural me, but I guess that is just what happens when you feel low in spirits. Everyone has those days, everyone. I'm allowed to as well. Silly though, I always feel guilty later. Bleeeehhhhhhhhh.

But seriously, who says they would like a ride down to Vegas with a complete stranger and expects them to find room and board for them? I just wanted a ride to Vegas so I could go home. I do NOT need you to find me a hotel. Seriously?

Didn't help my day, nor did that stupid work computer acting all uppity in my face. I really like technology that does exactly what I tell it to and no more. NO MORE!!!!! I don't like the technology that decides to be a brat. Speaking of which... Anyway.

On a happy note... Mark made a really delicious and filling dinner for dinner group. Thank you dinner group for being a bright light at the end of my day. And Bryan, always being a bright light in my life.

Personally... I'm impatient

So people are posting one of these a day for 30 days. But, I'm impatient... So I'll just give it to you all at once!

Day 1 - 5 Things about me no one knows:

1. I used to be a very insecure person with a very bold personality.

2. When I was a child I used to get a thrill from stealing candy from my family and not getting caught.

3. I am actually afraid of a good deal of things. I just never let anyone see.

4. I still wish vampires were real.

5. I face away from the shower head so I can see the door and make sure no one walks in on me.

Day 2 - A picture of you last year and now and how you have changed since then

Halloween last year After Christmas shopping

Hmmm, still have a flare for the theatrical.... Perhaps a little less dramatic though. My hair is no longer black. I have matured and expanded my view. Spending 9 months at home serving other people does that to you.
Day 3 - A favorite photo:

look at us awesome creepers

Day 4 - Something I crave: books, Salt & Vinegar Chips, friendship, excitement
Day 5 - Top 10 pet peeves:

1. condescension (I will mentally mock you)

2. telling me what to think

3. telling others what to think

4. that snorting noise when someone clears their nose (not nose blowing though)

5. someone else eating my food without my permision

6. people who slack off at work

7. treating me like a child

8. video games

9. talking more than the teacher

10. freaking out about small stuff

Day 6 - Something I bought recently: fruit loops, salt water taffy; clementines; fruit snacks
Day 7 - Something I want to buy:a brightly colored motorcycle
Day 8 - A favorite song: Any song my man sends me currently "Make You Feel My Love" by Adele
Day 9 - A favorite movie: Inception; Ever After
Day 10 - A favorite food: Beef Stroganoff
Day 11 - A favorite book: The Morning Gift by Eva Ibbotson
Day 12 - A favorite quote: Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive.
Day 13 - What did you do today??: Went to the temple, auditioned for a play, homework
Day 14 - Your dream house...: A small yet elegant home. Red brick with wood trimming, a basement, a turret, and a floor to ceiling library for me to store my books. And a quaint garden out back. But really, any place with my family and my love.
Day 15 - Next 3 on “Bucket List”: wing suit diving, hunting, live 1yr or 6mo in Austraila, Ireland or Scottland.
Day 16 - A photo of my family:

Day 17 - A habit you wish you didn't have: eating while I read. It will most likely lead to an exponential gain in weight when my metabolism slows down. Granted it has already done so. Thank heavens for yoga and a HUGE campus.
Day 18 - Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up:

1.Make You Feel My Love - Adele

2. Nintey and Nine - Michael McLean

3. Don't forget my Unicorn - Irish Rovers

4. Stay Beautiful - Taylor Swift

5. Which Part is Mine - Michael McLean

6. The Saltwater Room - Owl City

7. Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert

8. Black & Gold - Sam Sparrow

9. Sunray Smile - Amber Van Vleet

10. Vincent - Josh Groban

Day 19 - A hobby of mine: trying new random things
Day 20 - A favorite recipe: cheesy chicken and potato with mushrooms
Day 21 - Nicknames I have, and why I have them...:

Bad T - I was an amazing badminton player once upon a time

Tigger - I have a tiggerish personality

Babybot - My older brother was Tigerbot

Teags - It sounds cool

Tegan the Vegan - it helps people remember my name

Tegelstien - Ask Ali on that one

Teggles - Not sure

Penguin - :)

Love - :)

Day 22 - A favorite Youtube video: Kids History (Don't punch... ... our car)
Day 23 - A travel story: On the way to Bullhead the ten people in my car agreed that it should become a party wagon with neon lights a disco ball and a bed and we could call it the shaggin wagon... I secretly vetoed that idea, except the neon lights and disco ball
Day 24 - Something that makes you feel better... : The words "I love you." spoken to me with absolute sincerity and feeling. Food, food is always a happy thing. The temple. My best friends, yes I have 2, so sue me.
Day 25 A funny (true) story: My life. :) I spent the first hour of the 2011 New Year in a car with broken doors that had to be held closed. I also broke the passenger side door handle, well, actually it didn't break, it s h a t t e r e d in my hands. And me, being me, laughed really hard because it was funny and I was nervous.
Day 26 - A child I love: I have to pick one? Kelly, Cody, Chase, and Rachel (all adorable children)
Day 27 - A place I love: BYU, the mountains
Day 28 - A person I love: brYan
Day 29 - Testimony: I know the gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is true, Joseph Smith is a true prophet. The Book of Mormon is the word of God. Thomas S. Monson is the prophet of God on the earth today. My Heavenly Father loves me. Jesus Christ died for my sins.
Day 30 - Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days: Finish as much school as possible, maybe even graduate next April. Possibly buy a car. Hold my nephew in my arms. Meet my boyfriend's family. Finish at least one of the many stories I've started. Share the gospel as much as possible even though I am not going on a mission. Continue loving my favorite person and best friend.

Update

I love avoiding homework, don't you? I've got about a million pages to read and write reports on, but here I am keeping you updated on my life.

• I have my first boyfriend that I love. Yes, love, straight up in a non platonic, very romantic way. He is the most amazing fantastic perfect person ever. He is also far too good to me, and makes me the happiest person in the world. I love it. I love him.
• I no longer have a facebook account.
• I am anxiously awaiting the birth of my nephew. Granted it's four months away, but four months is no time at all.
• I am back at BYU and absolutely loving, loving, loving all of my classes and the homework I have to do (even though I am avoiding it, I still love that I have it, it increases my learning)
• I have a job as an appeals secretary in the Harold B. Lee Library and I enjoy it immensely.
• I am living in an apartment two doors down from my old one.
• I have three amazing new roommates who make me laugh more and more each time I am with them.
• I am taking a country western dance class and wheezing for breath every time it's over.
• I am giving a talk in church on Sunday.
• I am eating a hollow chocolate Santa
• I am no longer considering a mission. After long hours of contemplation and prayer I have realized that it simply isn't the right choice for me. And though I am slightly saddened I know I have made the right choice and I don't regret it.

There you are, my life up 'til now. I am so grateful to the Lord for the gospel because it makes me life exciting, ever changing, peaceful and very happy. I am also grateful for the people in my life, I would be nothing without you.

Best Weekend Ever

Why? Because I got to spend three glorious days with my favorite person. Ever. True story

Here he is. My boyfriend, and best friend. Thank you MLKJ, you allowed me a portion of time to see him.

My poor roommates had to put up with me being super excited (jumping up and down any time someone asked me or reminded me that he was coming) The whole week before he came. I hadn't seen him in over a month! I know, tragedy! So, of course I was way excited to find out he was coming.

I had asked him to meet me at work and told him when I got off. Ironically enough he sat down right in front of my work area and I just happened to come up the stairs and see him a mere 15 minutes before I got off. We were both very surprised and all I wanted to do was run and jump hug him. Luckily for my job I kept my composure.

15 minutes later I walk out of work and he vanished! I thought maybe I'd imagined it, so I searched for a few minutes then I called him. I got to run and jump hug him. That made me happy. We toured the school, went to dinner and mini indoor golfing with friends. And that was only the start of a fun filled sa-uuuuuu-per awesome weekend.

(I felt like being contrary)

He left today and I thought I would be sad, but I'm not. I'm really glad it happened and we got the chance to see each other again. "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

One more month til I get to see him again. Until then, I'll let Owl City state my sentiments.

.