Going Home

I never thought I'd be back in the position where I would return home to live again. Not to my parent's house, but back to my home town. It's going to be strange moving back and knowing that I will be living there for a little while on the way to my ultimate goal. A few close friends are worried about the move, they worry about the social life that waits me there.
Maybe I should worry too, but I don't. I feel very deeply and strongly that this move is right. I will be where I need to be and I am excited to start this new trail in my life. It's going to be great!
The thing is, I believe I know what lies ahead of me and it isn't the bleak picture my friends believe it to be. It is a beautiful picture. I trust the Lord, I know he has great plans for me and they don't include a bleak future I need to despair of. The future is bright and beautiful because my Savior is at the helm.
I'm going home!

Can I Be Any More Awkward?

So, there's a boy... It's always a boy...
This particular boy is adorable, and funny, and always makes me laugh. Last week he invited me to do a movie night with him. I'm not even going to pretend like I wasn't freaking out, because I was. This little girl doesn't even begin to cover how excited I was.

During the week I would tell people I was watching a movie with a boy on Friday and they would inevitably ask, "Is it a date?" To which I would respond,

"How do you not know?" 

"Well, there might be other people there, I just don't know! It doesn't matter! He INVITED me to a movie night!!!!!" And then I would gush about it for a while longer.

Friday night arrives and I am beyond excited. I go over to his apartment and it turns out there are other people, but do I mind? You got it, nope! Before the movie even starts the group is standing around in his kitchen and he keeps making eye contact with me and sharing little jokes and I'm just deliriously happy.

But, I also want to get this started and so does he, so he grabs the movie and goes into the living room and I follow him with the popcorn. There are two couches, a love seat and a three cushion couch. He plops down right smack in the middle of the 3 cushion couch and solves my problem of figuring out where to sit.

We looked a little like this couple and halfway through the movie I realize that I'm analyzing his every move trying to find some hidden message and I have to tell myself to STOP! I shifted positions and every time I did it took me closer to the edge of my cushion, but I never crossed over the line. The whole movie, whenever he shifted positions he stayed right smack dab in the middle of the cushion. I cursed the fact that everyone either wanted to be on the floor or the other couch. Why can't we all just pack in like sardines? It would be perfect!

The movie ends and he heads back into the back rooms of the apartment. Needless to say I was a lottle disappointed. Luckily the entire group except my best friend and me leave the apartment. I take my time gathering my things. Suddenly, my best friend points out his phone just sitting there on the couch. She and I have always been pranksters so we gather up his phone and start devising a plan of attack when we hear his voice in the kitchen. We immediately go to the door way trying our best to look like this:

but end up looking more like this:

He was immediately suspicious and I couldn't handle the pressure so I just held out his phone as I blurted, "We didn't have time." My friend cracks up laughing. The three of us chat for a couple more minute before she makes her way out and saying, "Come say goodbye before you leave." (She lives in the same complex he does).

Just how am I supposed to get him to walk me to my car a block away if I have to come visit you!?

The boy and I talked for a good half hour before he had yawned enough (twice, for the record), and I felt better for the awkward movie experience because we had been nonstop laughing for those thirty minutes, that I slowly said my goodbyes. 

I ran over to my friends apartment and could only talk to her for a couple minutes before telling her of my foiled plans. She immediately grabbed my arm and dragged me back to his apartment before knocking on the door and walking away. It was torture standing there at his door for those 30 seconds. Then, his roommate answered and said, "Yes?" Really? I am NOT saying, "Oh, I just want your roommate to walk me to my car..." Instead, I replied, "Nothing,

" and ran screaming back to my friend's apartment. Yes, I did straight up scream in his face before I ran. Along the way I said out loud, "I hate you! I hate you!" My friend stood in her doorway waiting for me with the food I'd brought over earlier. She handed it to me and said, "Love you."

"No you don't!" I harrumphed, and I walked back past the boy's door. His roommate was still standing in the doorway and as I passed said, "What's up?"

"Nothing" I mumble. All the while making awkward squeaks and grunts from embarrassment. 

"It'll be easier if you just start."

"Umm, squeak, grunt... Where's your roommate?"

"What?"

"Where's your roommate?" I hissed.

"Do you want me to get him?"

 (:17will reveal exactly how I sounded)

I pulled a Fat Amy and he said, "Let me go get him."

I thought I was going to pass out. It took 2 whole minutes before the boy came to the door. Two whole minutes!!! The entirety of which I ran through possible explanations of why I had come back in my head and debated just leaving and never coming back... Ever.

Finally the boy appeared and the doorway with a quizzical brow and I blurted,

"I'll give you hummus if you walk me to my car so I don't get dismembered by Ted Bundy." Holding out my hummus to him like it's a gift to forgo my execution.

With no hesitation he said, "Deal, let me get my shoes." Woah, really? Just like that? Ok... Ok... I can do this.

When he got back I pointed out his spider friend just making a web on the railing just outside the door before we headed off to my car. The entire time both of us were just going off each other back and forth and he had the cutest grin on his face and I'm sure I looked like this:

We finally got to my car and I gave over the promised hummus. We talked for a little while longer and said a slightly awkward goodbye. I didn't know if I should hug him or not so I just said, "Bye, thank you for walking me to my car. Don't die."
"I'll say hello to Ted Bundy for you."

"Haha" and turned around and opened my car. Then I got in and had some serious words with myself, mostly about how ridiculous and awkward that was. But really, could it have been any more awkward? Or perfect? 

How to Save the World?

I wish I knew. My roommate has been having a rough go of life. I want to take away her pain and her loneliness. But, I know my other rommie is right, she is now in a place where only she can help herself. And she will probably struggle for the rest of her life.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, life is a balancing act. Too much of anything is bad, moderation is good. Often, we human beings go from one extreme to the other and we can't seem to find the safe middle of the seesaw. We got on at one end and thunk to the ground. So, we get up and run to the other end only to be bucked off.

Some few of us immediately figure out that we need to stand in the middle to be safe from hurt. Most of us will go back to the other extreme, not as far though. And so we go from one end to the other, each time a little less farther out. Finally, we find the middle and, hopefully, stay there. Some of us just keep going from one extreme to the other trying to figure it out.
The Savior understands the seesaw differently. He invites other to come sit with him and enjoy the seesaw. He will often come sit with us and helps us figure out how to obtain balance with the skills we are given. He encourages us to invite others to join us. And we in turn help them find the balance in their own lives.

So many times I forget that happiness comes from helping others and focusing on their happiness. It's really funny, we can't be happy until we focus on helping others to be happy. The more we focus on ourselves, the more miserable and unhappy we become. Playing on a seesaw is less fun when you try on your own. You can't reach the full heights as you can when someone else plays with you.
I wish I could help her see this, but she is too buried in her pain and resigned to feeling nothing to avoid pain. I cannot bring her out. I just hope she will bring herself out soon and take joy in the beautiful things around her.

Stream of Self-consiousness

Ok. So I made a huge announcement to my roommate today and that announcement is.... drum roll please,... I'm ready to date again. But, seriously, I really am this time.
What kept me from being ready before was my lack of self-esteem when it comes to others. When it comes to Heavenly Father I know how valuable and loved I am. I know He sees my potential and He is helping me reach it when I let him. I know I'm incredible and wanted and He would do anything to help me be truly happy. But, when it comes to other people I wonder what they see in me. I wonder if they truly see the potential I have or the person I am. Often I doubt that they do. Or, even if I do believe they see me for who I am and who I will be, I don't believe they will continue to see it.
Well, that was how I used to be. Now, I am glad to be me and I am looking for someone who sees me for who I am and who I will become. I will no longer doubt that a good man will continue to see me in this way and that he will help me reach my potential. I am beginning to trust that there are those out there who love me and will always love me. I have had friends who have stuck with me through my trials, who have seen me at my absolute lowest point and who have stood by me because they know who I truly am and the good I am capable of. I believe in myself and I believe that I am innately good and desirable to a man who is also innately good. No longer will I listen to the voices both inside and out saying I am not good enough, or I am not worth it. To those I say, "I don't need you because you are wrong." I will eliminate them, or at the very least I will not tolerate them in my life.
No longer will I confuse humility with self-abasement. Having humility is not believe you are worthless, it is knowing you are full of worth. Humility is not like pride, the proud have pride because they are afraid that without whatever it is they have their pride in, they are nothing. Having humility is knowing, that even with everything stripped away, you still have so much potential and so much worth stored inside your soul. I had to have everything emotionally stripped away from me to understand this. Thankfully, I learned it.
Now, how to start about this dating business? All I want it to get to know enough people that I can decided what works and what does not work for me. Perhaps this seems like a selfish way to look at it, but, if it doesn't work for me why would I hurt someone by pretending it does? It would just hurt them more later on down the road when I can no longer hold the farce together. So, do I go on as many dates with as many people as I can so I can better understand what compliments my personality? Or do I just try dating one person at a time until it doesn't work out, or does? I personally believe the first option is more fair for everyone involved, but in Provo that comes with a stigma. If I choose to try it that way then labels like flirt, slut, tramp, easy and others come with that territory. Jess tells me that I act interested and then I don't and then I act interested in other guys. The problem is, I am interested in other guys. I see aspects in everyone that I find incredibly attractive as a prospective husband. I want to get to know a guy before I decide to go steady, or to not continue dating. But how do I have confidence in that? I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to do what's best for me and for everyone else. What to do? What ... to ... do?!

Going to the Temple

I am going through the temple. January 19th. This Saturday. I can't even express the incredible joy I feel for this upcoming event. It's like all of my life has come to this pinnacle. I just feel filled with joy and boundless happiness. I get so excited that I randomly shout, "10 Days!!!!!!" or "3 Days!!!!!" at random strangers then giggle delightedly to myself. I can hardly believe I'm going, it's like I'm in a dream. I can't concentrate on anything, and my very first grades are suffering a little. Oops. I know I will be fine after this weekend, but I just can't concentrate right now.

I am going to the temple. I have been waiting for this since I was a little girl, it has been more important to me than pretty much everything. I'm glad I am going just to go through and not to prepare for a mission or before getting married. It means I have time to reveal in the simple beauty and wonder of the temple itself. I am coming home. Home. It's where I belong.

Saving the World

One thing not to put on your application for grad school or a job when you have a bachelors in psychology, "I want to help people." Even if it is true. How does that make you different from the other 20 billion people with psychology degrees?
But, the truth is, all I want to do, all I've ever wanted to do is help people. My personal goal every day is to leave the people I've come across a little happier, their world a little brighter, and their burdens a little lighter. I want to make people feel special, because they are. I want to be their friend, because they deserve a good friend. (Not saying I am a good friend, but I try). Not just a friend who tells you what you want to hear all the time, but a friend who will tell you you are being an utter fool when you NEED to hear it, who will let you take consequences for your mistakes because that is what is best for you. I want people to know how to find happiness because, as prideful as this may sound, there really is one way.
Think about it. When have you felt most happy? Truly happy? Not high, or drunk or lustful. When was the last time you felt truly happy, the kind of happiness that lasts? When did you feel best about yourself? Was it when you were with your family trying to do something for someone other than yourself? When you helped someone reach that goal they had been working so hard for, just because? When you did something nice, not because you got something out of it, but just because you could?
That is happiness. Lift up your head! Raise your voice! Help a weary soul find a little peace and rest. Get into the spirit of Christmas. Help the Savior save the world.

Reason, Season, Lifetime

Sorry I've been away for so long. I don't really have an excuse.
My Doctrine and Covenant class has us write what is called Scenario Papers where we use at least three scriptures from the D&C to answer personal questions from classmates. Today I chose to answer this one.

By January, two of my current roommates will have moved out (reasons: marriage and study abroad). They are some of my best friends and I'm really sad that I won't be living with them any more. How can I prepare myself for this huge change?

            Change is difficult for so many things. It almost always is good, especially when you trust in the Lord and look to him in every thought (Proverbs 3:6). I roomed with complete strangers this summer and by the end of our short two months together I had become closer friends with them than anyone else I’d ever roomed with. It broke my heart to see them go, I hate it when people I’m close to leave. The roommate I’d grown closest to had written down a poem she knew called, “Reason, Season and Lifetime.” It is an incredible poem and it opened my eyes. People who come into our lives for a Reason teach us a lesson and then are gone, not because we did anything wrong, but because that is how it was meant to be. “And how it was possible for him to preach to those spirits and perform the necessary labor among them in so short a time” (D&C 138:28). There are necessary labors for all of us to perform for others, and sometimes that is all that is required.

            Other people come into our lives for a Season, we learn more than one lesson from them and develop a great relationship. But, again, they leave without any wrong doing on our part. Sometimes it is to help us get through a hard time, or to teach us something that takes longer than a Reason. Always they make significant impact on our lives. It may seem trivial to ask the Lord for help when others leave our lives but according to the prophecy of Isaiah, “the Redeemer was anointed to bind up the broken-hearted” (D&C 138:42). Before this year I had never realized just how much the Atonement of Christ covers. It is infinite, I had always thought that meant it went forwards and backwards through time. Now my understanding has been expanded and I realized it covers everything infinitely, every hurt, every sorrow, every moment of loneliness, every tear, every disappointment, every sin, every mistake, every ill spoken word, every loss, everything. Even the heartache of losing those close to us for a short time, or for a very long time.

            Some people come into our lives for a Lifetime. Perhaps your roommates will be there for you for a lifetime. Just because people leave doesn't mean that we can’t reach out to them and stay in touch. I know it’s not the same, but life has many people who come to reach and teach us. There will be more who will help and build you up. That doesn't mean we forget the first, but we can and must allow others to come in. “But behold, from among the righteous, he organized his forces and appointed messengers, clothed with power and authority, and commissioned them to go forth and carry the light of the gospel to them that were in darkness, even to all the spirits of men” (D&C 138:30). Whether people come into my life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime, I do all I can to touch their lives and leave them with a little more light than I found them. It makes it easier to let them go, and I know I will see them again.

Writing this broke my heart a bit.

Here's the poem.

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.  They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  They may seem like a godsend, and they are.  They are there for the reason you need them to be.  Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away.  Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.  What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled;  their work is done.  The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.  They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.  They may teach you something you have never done.  They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.  Believe it!  It is real!  But, only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.  Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);  and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.  It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Don't Be an Idiot

What need I say more?
We were asked to write an essay on  this prompt, "You have just learned that you have no more than 30 minutes to live. Everyone you have ever know - family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, even strangers with whom you only had brief contact - are gathered to hear you final thoughts. In 500 words what would you say to them?"
Only 500 words???? I have so much more to say!
As I was writing it I realized that I wouldn't leave it to my death bed. I have already told everyone, except random strangers, everything I would like to say. I would just say it again because, for some reason, being on a deathbed is sacred and the words one speaks hold more weight.
First and foremost I would have to say, "Don't be an idiot... Seriously." Especially to those who have found the secret to true happiness and for some reason or another don't give it the attention and dedication it deserves. Seriously? Why? What possible terrible excuse can you have for wasting your own happiness? Honestly?! Can you look yourself in the mirror and say, without shame, guilt, sarcasm, or longing, "I am perfectly content and at peace with the way I live now. Even if I could, I would change nothing." If you can't say that with utter confidence, FIX IT!!!! You know what to do, you just don't want to do it. YES... YOU DO.
Why? Why do we put off contentment, true happiness and peace???? WHY? Because Satan know what he's doing and he's convinced you you don't deserve. Well guess what? That is the biggest load of bullcrap that every person has swallowed at some point in his life. You do deserve to be happy. So get over yourself and shape up. When you fall down, don't beat yourself up. Get back on that horse and ride it! No, you can't do it alone no matter what you tell yourself. Yes, you have to make the choice, but you can't do it alone. That's why we have the atonement. Use it. Seriously. Don't be an idiot. Forgive yourself and love yourself or you will never, ever, ever find peace. Do it. Don't be an idiot.

Frog Dating - A delicacy

I love my job. Today I had the best conversation about dating I have ever had.
Me: "Jared, can we be friends forever?"
Jared (the funniest kid I've ever met sitting two chairs away to my left who has made me guffaw at least 12 times in the past 2 days): "Sure!"
Dahlin (sitting one chair to my right who is also hilarious): "Hmmm? Yeah?" While gesturing with his eyes toward Jared.
Me: "No..."
Dahlin: "I don't think you are getting my point."
Me: "No, I got it, that was my answer... No..."
Dahlin: "Could you be more specific? I'm not very good at guessing."
Me: "I was answering your question."
Dahlin: "Which question?"
Me: "The one you were asking."
Dahlin: Something about happiness sitting two chairs away.
Me: "We already discussed this, I'm not interesting in trying that right now."
Dahlin: "I have eaten frog in my life..."
Me: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Dahlin: "It didn't look like anything that I would want to try eating, but when I did try it, it was the best thing in the world."
Me: "I've tried frog before and it has made me very sick."
Dahlin & Me: "Stomach ache? Food Poisoning!"
Jared: "YOU GOT FOOD POISONING FROM TRYING FROG????"
Me (trying very hard to get the words past my bouts of laughter): "Yep, and it was a very unpleasant experience."
Jared: "WHY WOULD YOU EAT FROG! You should never try frog again."
Me (gesturing toward Jared but talking to Dahlin): "SEE! You see what I'm saying?!"
Jared: "We have to get you away from your addictions where you will never eat frog again. Maybe in the desert, Oh wait, there's toads... The Amazon! Where the frogs are poisonous so if you eat one you die! So you can either give in to your addiction and die or your addiction will over come you and take you down!"
Me: "Right!"
Dahlin: "You could at least try frog again."
Me: "The last frog I tried was a bad experience, it..."
Dahlin: "Hopped away?"
Me: "With half of me along with it. But I do nibble."
Dahlin: "I think you'd better explain 'nibbling.'"
Me: "No physical contact just dating for fun."
Dahlin: "No hugs or high fives???"
Me: "Yes, high fives... and hugs at the end."
Dahlin: "I once took a girl on a date and she didn't give me a hug or a high five, she just walked right into her door."
Oh work, I actually look forward to you every day. :)

Poleeeese (Stop here if you are squeamish)

Logan and I were bored last night, so we decided we would get a group together and play a game of glow in the dark ultimate frisbee. It all went rather well until Kevin caught the winning Frisbee and his leg caught the business end of a goal post support. It the dark it looked like a deep cut. But when Logan's old roommate and I got him to the hospital we could see it was much worse than that. The pole took out a rather large portion of his shin... as you can see...

It was absolutely revolting but Kevin didn't seem to be in too much pain and he actually seemed to be enjoying himself. A volunteer named Liam (who is from South Africa) stopped in to see and show off his own scar. He had a skin graft that encompassed the right side of his left leg from ankle to knee. It was really weird for me to see. I got the lucky job of accompanying Kevin back behind the huge whooshing doors to wait for stitches. 

Here they have cleaned out his wound and you can see just how bad it really is. That is a layer of skin, then fat, then muscle, and at the lowest tip down his leg is where you can see a little bit of his bone. Liam and Kevin had a marvelous time joking about all kinds of disgusting things and I'm sure Kevin was the riot of the ER. I think it was the first time I've ever laughed so much watching someone get worked on in a hospital.

His doctor was a miracle worker and 12 surface 4-6 dissolvable stitches later you would have never know Kevin was missing two inches of his epidermis. 

A Call to Arms.

I'm sure you have noticed that my blog more and more often is religious and has aspects of religion. Throughout the last six months, I have realized that everything has to do with the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Every moment of every day I see more and more the Hand of the Lord stretched out in my life and the lives of others. I see the blessings He lays right before our eyes in the hopes that we will see it too and turn to Him.

The truth is, we can no longer be complacent. This is a war! We have been saved for these last days because we are strong and we can make a difference is the war for souls. We no longer can sit still and allow others to perform the task of saving our brothers and sisters who are lost! We must decide now to fight, we must decided now what side we will choose. We have to extend our hands and bring back our sisters and our brothers. Too many have fallen away, and lost sight of the truth. Will we be selfish and not reach out our hands to bring peace and healing to our brothers and sisters! We are the elect! The Lord's chosen! We cannot sit around, we must not be still, we must cry out and bring the beautiful good news to all corners of the world! We must open our eyes to the suffering and sorrows that lay all around us, most importantly in the ones we love. We must support and carry each other, in our stakes, in our wards, in our families. We must reach out to friends and strangers, to loved ones and even to ourselves. The gospel is true. It is worth fighting for, so are you, and so are the souls of our brothers and sisters. We must be, or become the safe harbors for those who lost their way. Get back on the path! Hold firm to the rod! Let go of the dangerous traps and lures of Satan! This is a call to arms! And if you do not hear the call, who will?

Easter

Renewal, rebirth, redemption, rejoicing, reliving, resurrection, remade, remembered, returned, reflection. All these I associate with Easter. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we like to focus more on the Atonement and Christ's Resurrection than on his death, which is why we don't wear crosses or have crosses on our churches. Our message is hope and love and second, third, fourth, and fortieth chances. Christ suffered for us, died, and lived again all that we might return to live with our Heavenly Father and be truly happy once more.

Nothing we can do is terrible that it cannot be washed away with the blood of the Lamb. No matter how far down the path we go, we can always turn back and climb upwards. The Lord has promised us this and He never breaks His promises. Who are we to question Him or deny His word? It is pride and foolishness that tell us we are the exceptions to His rules, that we are too broken for Him to fix us. If you put a limitation on yourself you put a limitation on the Lord's power. He has no limits on His power, there is NOTHING He cannot fix, and NO ONE He cannot save if they will turn to Him. We have to take that first step, but He will not leave us to walk alone, we will never walk alone.

I echo Elder Perry's sentiments that Jesus is the Christ. I know that the scriptures are true and they will lead us to true happiness. Test our words, read the Book of Mormon, pray to the Lord, what harm can it do? None, it can only bring great joy and happiness into your life as it has brought it into mine. The Lord loves you and is waiting for you to come unto Him and be perfected.

I Don't Even Know

Don't know what to call this, a ramble perhaps...
I have been through a hard time, I have, I know I'm not alone, there are many people who go through hard times, but... I have been through a hard time and I am still going through it. It's okay to admit that and acknowledge it.
The person who has helped me the most to go through this time? Maddie Lee. She has been my shoulder to cry on, my confidence when I had none, my comfort, my distraction from wanting to wallow, my dear, dear friend, my hope, my sister, my example, my voice of wisdom, and my constant supporter. When I am down and I want to stop fighting, she asks me why? and I realize that I don't want to quit fighting. When I am feeling like I am worth so little she shakes me and tells me I am worth so much. When I want to scream and yell she screams and yell right along with me. She has saved me and says she was only returning the favor.
Both of us have recently lost someone we love very much and have comforted each other and helped each other through it.
What are best friends for? Even if you haven't talked to them in a while. Best friends will always be there for you when you need them most.
Good luck on your mission you crazy awesome girl! I know you will be the best missionary you can be and you will give it your all. Look out Anchorage, Alaska mission!

In Whom Do You Trust

In whom do you trust? In whom do you trust? In whom do you trust? In whom do you trust? Any way you ask me that question I know my answer.

Magical

A short (but sweet) addition to the previous post.

I don't think I added a very important part to my post. The bouquet and garter toss! Well, Erin caught the bouquet and Evan, her boyfriend, caught the garter. I wonder if he didn't work it out on purpose... It is definitely something he would do... Anyway.

For all you doubters out there that believe it doesn't work. Exactly a week and a day from the reception I got a text from Erin telling me that Evan had proposed. MAGIC! It works!

Tell your friends.

9/10/11 12:00

Yes, we are that cool that we were married on 9-10-11-12! And the day was PERFECT!!!! From the Saturday (9/3/11) we arrived in New York to the Thursday two days before the wedding it rained constantly, alternating between pouring and drizzling, but it was basically constant. Then, Thursday night it cleared, Friday the sky was only half full of clouds that didn't rain, and Saturday was a cloudless beautiful.
Friday was the rehearsal at the golf course gazebo and as you can see it was pretty much the perfect setting. A gazebo amongst greenery with a lake in the background, what more could a girl ask for without actually being able to scout out sites?

Here we all are, you can't really see the lake, but no worries, it will show up later. The whole time we stood up there I was thinking, this is going to be a really nice wedding for someone, everyone looks so nice. It just didn't feel real to me. It was a little amusing I have to admit because it really was for me, it was real, and it was most definitely happening.

Here we are listening to speeches (I was really grateful I didn't have to give one, I'm terrible at speeches). One from my father and one from Bryan's. The adorable little guy you see down there is Bryan's (and now my) nephew, Chase. He is a little ball of energy, he makes all of us run around in circles and when one of us gets tired he makes someone else run with him.

The girls entering the limo the next morning. It was my first time riding a limo, I was very excited. I had to be the last in and last out though.

Bryan, Craig (Bryan's father), and me after the ceremony.

The whole bridal party. From left to right: Autumn (my matron of Honor), Kelli, Erin, Emily, Kelly (in back), Cate (in back), Me, Bryan, Brad (in back), Kurt, Brian, George (in back), Brett

My new sisters! Both of whom I love! Cate, me, Kelly

Me and my family. Seth, Mom, Dad, me, Bryan, Autumn, Derrick holding Edison, their son.

 

That says it all.

Isn't the cake beautiful!

Good ole cake smashing. :) He got it up my nose if you couldn't tell, gross. Yes, it certainly was.

Our first dance. "I have and I Always Will" by Dave Barnes

Father/Daughter dance. "Butterfly Kisses." Yes, we did both bawl our eyes out. The wedding wasn't really real to me until my father walked into the bridal room. Then it was suddenly real to me.

Love, love, love, love this picture!

Me and my girls all previous roommates. Erin, me, Kelli, Emily

I couldn't raise my arms as high as everyone else.

A yellow fuzzy worm that Kelli found and put on her bouquet. We're passing it from my bouquet to hers.

My first nephew, Edison Byron. Isn't he adorable? I thought so too. I had to be really careful though because he had been spitting up all day. Don't you just love babies?

Best day ever!!!!!!

A Little Different

I noticed that a few of my friends started out their most recent posts with apologies for neglecting their blogs. :) I understand as I have not been as attentive as I should to my own.

I am getting married in a day less than two weeks.

Answers to frequently asked questions:

Yes, I am crazy excited and a tiny bit nervous.

Yes, I realize it is a huge change and I am enormously excited to tackle the challenge. I love challenge because it means I get to grow and become better.

We are going to live where we are now because we both have jobs here.

The wedding plans are coming along just as they should and I have had very little stress to deal with (minus the initial not wanting to make decisions stress).

His father is officiating the ceremony as he is a Justice of the Peace.

We will be getting seal in the Draper Temple within the year.

He is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and I do love him more than life itself.

I am 21, he is 29. Nope, I don't think I'm too young and I don't think that is too big of an age gap.

We met through a mutual friend and just sparked it off a little while later.

I am getting married literally across the country because that is where his family is, and it is so much prettier in New York than it is in Arizona in the Fall.

Another change that has happened is that I'm an aunt! My younger brother has gone to college. My dear friend from college is getting married in a little more than a month. I found a job at the high school. I am more comfortable with myself now than I have ever been. My almost sister (we're practically family anyway) moved away to go to college two hours away, not too bad if you ask me. I will be moving out of my parent's house for the last time.

All of these changes are good and I am glad they are happening. I especially love my job even though it makes me grind my teeth and wish smacking were legal in schools. I tip my hat to all those who work with special education and thrive on it. You are amazing super humans and you are underappreciated. But that is a post for another time. I promise I will be better.

Do You Ever Feel?

Do you ever feel like you've let people down? Like you should have been there for them, but for some reason or another you weren't? I've been feeling like I just woke from a very long dream and I noticed how withdrawn and selfish I have been. Even though the world says that this is the time to focus on yourself and figure out what you want to do, we shouldn't believe it.

My professor told us that we should view our time the same way we view our money. A tithe should be paid to the Lord. That's 1.2 months/5.2 weeks/36 days a year, .4 weeks/3 days a month, and .1 day a week. In all honesty, that isn't a whole lot of time. Now, all I need to do is realign my focus where it should be and spend more time seeking and saving the lost. Just like the RS lesson today. It's all about the active.

Just So You Know

I got to ride with the funniest people in the ward tonight, all the in the same car! The conversations we had made me laugh pretty hard in some places. They were all over the place and completely random jumping from topic to topic. I loved it! Theses were my people! Random, crazy, and willing to say whatever comes to mind, seriously, whatever.
I learned that cliff jumping can be dangerous and you might lose your ears and have to get them stiched back on your head. True story.... Seriously. And that some people can feel pain in their dreams. There are many different dialects to Mumblese, some that need translating. You don't have to be married to see one of the free BYU marriage counselors. Even jokesters can be serious when you need them to be.

Good times, good times.

Valentine's

Day of love, laughter, and stealing juice from the neighboring party.

So my ward had an awesome Valentine's partly last night that was filled with frosting cookies, making valentines, decorating bags, and picture booths. The weather was nice so I decided to forgo wearing a jacket and putting on real shoes. Instead I wore my mismatching Pirates of the Carribean socks and two different colored flip-flops. Needless to say I was not the height of fashion, though I did wear my "LOVE" shirt! Yay!

My bag died a little. The first one I made had m&ms glued on it but they melted all over the bag, some sort of chemical reaction from the candy coating and the sparkly glue. So I tossed it and made a cuter one with pretty paper on it.

Here's the cookie I decorated. Isn't it lovely? Yes I know, thank you.

I didn't win the cookie decorating contest but the cookies that did are very cute. Congrats girls! There was a neighboring dance party that was pumping their music and Emily and I couldn't help but dance it up a couple times. The photo booth was fantastic though, Emily and I are pro at taking awesome pictures. Don't believe me? Check it out here. Here are just a few of the really cool people at the party. Can you spot Mark in the background?

There were some very adorable drawing on the board so of course I had to add to them.

At last the party drew to a close and Em and I found ourselves very thirsty and the juices from next door calling out to us. We had a ton of cupcakes left over from our party that she had made so we devised a plan to trade the cupcakes for juice. Not so sneakily we placed the cupcakes on the table and snatched a half drunken bottle of cranberry juice. We made an immediate dash for the door and heard a man call out behind us.

"HEY!" After my heart skipping a few beats and collapsing into a fit of giddy giggles with Em we found out it was only Devin, a boy from our ward. We swiped some cups from the Cougareat each (Emily, Mark, Devin, and I) drank some of the juice, were reminded that cranberry juice is bitter and carried the rest of the bottle home with us. Who puts cranberry juice out at a dance? No wonder it was only half empty while all the other juices were gone.

Upon reaching home Emily and I decided to ditch the bottle. Bridget was home from her date so she came with us. We left the 1/4 full bottle on a doorstep, knocked and scattered. No one answered even though the blinds were open and we could clearly see the boy sitting on the couch through the open blinds. So I ran down and knocked again, pounded really, and dashed back upstairs. The boy came to the door and stared at the bottle of Cranberry juice (which I should add, didn't have a lid because we were in too much of a hurry to search the table for it's lid) for at least a full minute. Then he took it inside with him.

Good times, good times.