Mudlake Idaho

Most beautiful place on the face of this earth. I found my soul there and felt more connected with the Lord than I have in any other place. Part of it was the people I was there with and part of it was that I was cut off. By that I mean that I had little to no way to reach out to the world beyond through electronics. The internet cable was chewed, I had no cell phone service and the nearest town with places to shop was forty minutes away.

The family I stayed with was amazing beyond amazing. Here is their oldest child. Howard. He was two and he LOVED riding the four wheeler, hence the helmet on his head. He was sassy, adorable and the sweetest child I've ever met. He once pushed his dinner plate toward his father and said, "No, YOU eat it." Oh dear Howard.

Here are the kids with their father. An amazing man with an amazing wife. They were kind enough to let me stay with them while I was working and searching for a job. This was Memorial Day 2009. Such a good day. I ate way too many roasted marshmallows that day because James just kept roasting them and passing them around. He was an excellent roaster I might add. Mmm....

Here is Doc/Big Red, I named him but I couldn't decide which name I liked better, the horse I was to train for the duration of my stay. He was gentle horse that didn't really like to be away from his tiny circular corral. May I add that I love horses? They are beautiful creatures.

And here is their second child. Omi. Naomi. The cutest, sweetest, smartest little girl I've ever met. I taught her to wink, kind of, she winks both eyes but I taught her how. I love her laugh. She is lovable and full of love to give. She warmed up to me faster than Howard did. I remember her talking into the phone to no one on the other end but she was so happy to be doing what her mother did all the time. Oh children.

The people of Mudlake were much like the angels in heaven. Everyone was open and friendly with the intention of making everyone feel at home. From the first moment I joined them in Enrichment to the day I left I felt welcomed and cared about. I only wish my stay could have been longer. It was the closest to Zion I've ever been.

I've always loved small towns and Mudlake, Idaho reaffirmed the wisdom to my wish. I felt safe and alive in that small town. I hope I can live somewhere like it someday.

You could most definitely feel the love in that town. I imagine that Enoch's city was so successful because everyone loved each other and were concerned with their neighbor's lives and how they could make them better. I intend to live the rest of my life watching out for the other people I'm around.

(Song: Vanilla Twilight - Owl City)

Bahahahahahahahaha!

Hopefully I will be able to make you laugh........ if you don't laugh you must either a) be a robot and should probably get that checked out; b) not have the same sense of humor that I have (definitely get thatchecked out); c) be a relative ofScrooge (which means you should learn from his experience... don't make the ghosts come after you too)
In the HFAC (oh how I love the HFAC) at nine in the morning I said this exact phrase is shocked surprise,"Son of Mother!" The girl in the elevator, whom I noticed only after this outburst, stared at me for bit... Perhaps I shouldn't have said it but, there was a MONSTER in the elevator!!!!! Okay, it was made out of fabric,lightbulbs and paper mache. It is hideous!

I fully expected to be devoured by it when the girl exited a floor before I did. Luckily nothing happened any of the four times I passed by it.... creep. Click HERE to see a funny monster prank.

Today I signed up to help paint hat bills ( the part of the ball cap that shades the eyes). Blue. All was going well until I tipped over my cup of water (colored blue due to the many times I dipped my paintbrush) and spilled it on the yellow felt M's. I started hopping up and down and crying "Oh! Oh! Oh No! Oh!" and grabbing M's to stick on my arms out of reach of the blue wave descending upon it. Sadly not one was saved, even more sadly, no one noticed my frantic cries until it was too late. Saddest, they were not even a foot away from me! I felt horrible. But, we finished the hats! :) Yay us... Sorry about the M's Janet...

(Side note... Janet has one of the salon type hair dryers in her room. We put the hats in the chair and turned on the hair dryer machine. Janet, you're a genius!)

Have you ever done the trick where you bend over and pick up a chair? Your back has to be straight and you are basically trying to make yourself a table. Your legs must be directly under your hips and you should have your head touching the wall in front of you. Now extend your arms and pick up the chair with you have hitherforeto placed between yourself and the wall. Now, with chair in hand stand up. Do this in mixed company. (meaning males and females) So funny. Report back to me. If nothing happens out of the ordinary... don't tell anyone I told you to do it. Hopefully you get a few good laughs over it. HERE is what is supposed to happen.

After explaining the trick and why it works the way it works to one of my friends he said, "I have neither the hips nor the brawn." But what I thought he said was, "I have neither the hips nor the bra on." I just about died laughing and he had no idea why. Oh sir, you are so funny!

Imagine this: Two sympathetic pukers in a room together. One of them vomits.... can you imagine the rest? *Hint: Bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh. Too bad people can't be sympathetic snorters. (the "tehehehe*snort*" kind not the "line 'em up kind")

Fun trick: Wear a backpack (BAHAHAHA) just kidding the trick isn't over yet. Hunch over like a little old lady, bowl your legs, grasp an invisible cane in front of you and chase your friend down the sidewalk. Report back to me on the reactions you get. It works best if you yell, "Wait! Wait little girl (or boy)! I've got candy!"

Hopefully somewhere in this jumbled madness I call a blog post I have made you laugh. If not, remember it's not too late... You can still be saved. Consult with a professional now!

(Song: Inches and Falling - The Format)

I Can't Answer That For You

Chuck: "I don't know who I am anymore."

Casey: "I can't answer that for you."

Only we can say who we really are, each day we have to rediscover what makes me, me. Every day we make choices that belie our inner selves and show us and others what we are really like. We are sculpting the masterpiece that we will someday become. We will never be finished as long as we are alive and I think even after we die we will be constantly reshaping ourselves.

But, as my friend once said, "I think our cores is still the same. It's just finding that core among all the little changes that's the hard part."

How true that is.

I hope you find yourself Chuck.

You are not alone in your search.

(Songs: Swim Until You Can't See Land - Frightened Rabbit)

The Cost of a Colored Cut

So today was a lovely and exciting day. It all started with me finishing my set that I was constructing for class. (A mini set out of play dough) It was beautiful! Madison and Shaelyn can attest. I packed it up neatly so I could take it to be presented to my class. Lovely.

Then I went to meet Julie so we could go to her hair cutting interview. Basically, she would dye and cut my hair so that the owner could see how good she was and hire her. The foiling of my hair took a lot longer than either of us expected. So, I ran to my presentation looking like this…

but with my face. Naturally. I ran in just as my group was starting their presentation so I had no time to set up my beautiful stage. The director simply said, “And this is Tegan, she is playing the princess.” I felt deeply, deeply embarrassed. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t been late. I thought about not doing it but, my group was depending on me. I couldn't just not show up, our grade depended on it.

Then it was my turn to present and I started whipping out my set and most of it fell apart. My castle broke and I tried to make jokes but I knew that my professor wasn't at all impressed. I was devastated. I had worked for weeks on that tinee little stage, sculpting it out of play dough and painting it. My face was so red and I felt retarded. Each and everyone of my group members gave me the “I pity you.” face. It was horrible and I almost started crying. But, everyone told me they were impressed I even showed up and with all the work I’d put in. I only wish my professor though so. I'm almost afraid of what he will grade me for. I am extremely grateful that I was able to make it to my presentation though. If I had just not shown up? That would have been awful!

So, with my pride broken I went back to the salon and Julie finished my hair. It looks fantastic! Five hours from the start here is what I look like. J

Isn’t it lovely? Yay!

Blogging

Has anyone else noticed how selfish blogging is? Every post, practically, is about me, me, me, what I did, what I learned? I just watched Julie & Julia and Julie realized that too. I think it's okay though. I love reading other's blogs and learning about them, them, them. My mom thinks it's silly because "you have to be arrogant to believe that other people want to read about you." To all my fellow bloggers, I LOVE reading about YOU!!!!!

(Song: Toby Keith: I Wanna Talk About Me)

Extrospection, Introspection

Tonight I watched BYU's production of Blood Wedding, later I watched Chuck: Chuck Versus the Tic-Tac both put me in an introspective mood.

About love.

Yeah, it seems like that is all we hear, love this, love that, hate such and such, hate blah-de blah. But... isn't that the whole reason we are here?

Love.

Such a powerful emotion that changes lives in all sorts of ways. In Blood Wedding love destroyed lives, yet it can't be love because love only builds, it doesn't destroy. The Love between the girl and the man she loves was once pure but no longer holds the pure quality it had. When he married another his love became twisted into lust, had he really loved her he would have let her find happiness in the marriage she was about to enter. Loving someone is wanting the best for them no matter what it does to you. It's letting yourself be torn apart by the emotions you hold and never letting the other see the destruction.

Or is it? Shouldn't we fight for the ones we love? When does love change?

When is it wrong?

To hold so tightly to another and desire to always be with them? When we give up the ones we love, is it simply for the social acceptance?

Yes and no.

We should fight for the ones we love, but we should not stand in the way of their happiness. When they choose another we should love them enough to step back and let go. If our love cannot do that, then

it isn't love.

In Chuck Casey (my favorite character) tells Chuck that he chose long ago love of country over love and that "you need to figure out which is best for you." Even though I highly doubt I will ever be spy and have to choose between those two options there will be times in my life where I will have to choose between love of ___ (fill in the blank) and love. There will be times with I will choose the love of, and there will be times when

I choose love.

Another part of Chuck revealed a little bit of love. Ellie and Devin (Chuck's sister and bro-in-law) both have conflicting desires. Ellie just got accepted into her dream school and Devin wants to join Doctors Without Borders. Each argues their individual points. In the end Ellie tells Chuck she is willing to go with Devin.

"Dreams change."

Devin takes Ellie into their house and tells her that he is willing to stay for her because he knows it what she's always wanted.

That is love.

Sacrificing what you want to make the other person happy. Not just in a romantic sense either. Lest you think I'm centered on that. It's for everyone. The whole reason we came to this earth is to learn to love others. Christ is the ultimate example of love. He gave all he had, comfort, life, freedom, innocence, for you, and for me. He did not put himself above the rest of us, he gave freely and purely, his love was not twisted in anyway. His whole life was devoted to giving all he had to others and making their lives better. That is what love means.

Love is scary.

I know. You invest your whole soul in another person, boyfriend, husband, friend, child, mother, father, sister, brother, nephew, niece, uncle, aunt, grandparent and sometimes you don't get the return you wanted. Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes it takes years before you can see a change or feel loved in return. Sometimes those who love you most and whom you love most in return are the ones who cut you deepest.

Love isn't always easy.

But it is so rewarding. It's what life is all about.

(Songs: MoTab: I Feel My Savior's Love; Michael Buble: LOVE)

Where are you going?

Often times I do wonder Where I'm going. Or what I'm becoming. Sometimes I even get down on myself by trying to figure it all out. It doesn't always need to be figured out. I'm lost. You're lost. But that isn't necessarily a bad thing. By being lost we have the opportunity to find ourselves. Just as in this song "Where am I going?"

Where am I going?

And what will I find?

What's in this grab bag

That I call my mind?

What am I doing

Alone on the shelf?

Ain't it a shame,

But no one's to blame but myself.

Which way is clear

When you've lost your way

Year after year?

Do I keep falling in love for just a kick of it?

Staggering through the thin and thick of it,

Hating each old, tired trick of it,

Know what I am,

I'm good and sick of it!

Where am I going?

Why do I care?

Run where it's foul,

Run where it's fair,

No matter where I run I meet myself there.

Looking inside me, what do I see?

Anger and hope and doubt,

What am I all about?

And where am I going?

Tell me why do I care?

No matter where I run I meet myself there

Looking inside me, what do I see?

Anger and hope and doubt

What am I all about?

And where am I going?

Where am I going?

Granted the lyrics have a little more depressing feel but, they ring true. No matter where I run I meed myself there. You always have you. The first person you need to figure out is yourself. You are the strongest support you have. Trust in yourself and don't let go. Love yourself. Know what you are thinking and why you are thinking it. Believe in who you're becoming. Don't fall to pieces because of someone else. That way when the bigger fish come along, you can handle yourself just fine.

(Songs for this post. ColdPlay: Lost, The Script: Break Even)

Twas Blind

For the past couple weeks our vanity lights have been out. The lights above this.

We found a spare random light that is over the ironing board that we used to get ready in the morning. That is why our faces looked so bizarre, sorry friends. This weekend we got new lights and were blinded by how intensely bright six lights are. The comments we have been getting are...

"Wow, it's like walking into heaven."

"Woah, that is bright."

"Hey, those lights are giving off heat!"

"I'm blind!"

"Ew, you can see all the dirt."

"Come and look at this! It's like walking into the Celestial Kingdom!" Yep, our apartment has been compared to the Celestial Kingdom.

(Post song: Amazing Grace)

Whadduyasay?

(Please press play on the playlist, It makes reading this so much better.)

What do you say to takin chances?

What do you say to jumpin off the edge

Never knowin if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold or Hell to pay

What do you say?

Oh Celine Dion, you speak to my heart. I say Heck YES!!!! I often say Heck yes. It's really hard for me to say no. In fact this entire weekend was filled with "yes"es that could very well affect the rest of my life! I can't tell you what all of them are. But I know for sure that one will change the course of my future for at least a year. At least.

Sometimes you just gotta jump even when you know there is no solid ground below. Hopefully you can sprout wings and soar because if you don't it might hurt.

I try my best not to let myself get hurt. All my life I have built walls to protect myself. You know what I discovered from that? I was hurting myself in those walls. I could see the happiness of others beyond them but I couldn't reach it myself because I was locked in. I'm walking out now. Beware world, I'm no longer afraid of getting hurt. So I'm jumpin off the edge.

(Post's song(s) Celine Dion: Taking Chances, Glee: Taking Chances)